The Hallidays

Piper Katherine Halliday

2010-07-27T15:59:00.000-07:00

Piper's Birth Story

2010-07-26T16:51:00.000-07:00

In the early morning hours of July 21st 2010 we welcomed Piper Katherine Halliday into the world. This is her birth story:

Tues July 20 was a bit of a crazy day. Hayden and I ran errands all day long including a prenatal appt. with the midwife which went well and gave me no reason to think I'd be in labor within 24 hours.

After running my errands Rob was already home by then and I needed to be at a activity for the young women of my church so I hurried in changed my clothes and left. The activity went fine with again, no indication that I'd be in labor soon. I even mentioned to the girls that I felt really well even though I was only a week away from having my baby.

I hadn't had a chance to eat dinner before leaving so after the activity I went with my friends Alan and Jenny to grab a bite to eat at Filiberto's Mexican Food. I joked with them that I had a chili relleno the day I went into labor with Hayden and that the capsaicin in it would probably put me into labor if I ordered that. Jenny ended up ordering one and cut off a piece for me. We were joking about the possibility but it didn't occur to me that it would actually happen.

I got home finally about 10:30 and started straightening up the house a bit before bed; as was my nightly routine; "just in case". Then I looked in the mirror and decided I wanted to wash my hair "just in case" as well. Hayden asked me why I was blowdrying it and curling it if I was going to bed. I told her that if I didn't have a base hairdo then it would be a nightmare when I got up in the morning. (Retrospectively I am so glad I did it!)

The whole time I was cleaning and primping I was having the occasional contraction but it didn't really phase me since I have been having them most of the pregnancy. More than one occasion I have had to stop everything I was doing to muddle through one. I've even had to pull over while driving a couple of times. I just figured they were Braxton Hicks and that they were par for the course.

I also noticed that increased activity brought them on and that when I would go to bed they would go away so I remember saying to myself, "You need to get to bed so these stupid things will stop." If I'd had any notion they were productive I wouldn't have thought that but I figured they were just annoying non-productive ones.

I was so tired by the time I fell into bed around 1:00am that I was asleep in minutes. I have a vague recollection of having contractions while sleeping but they weren't waking me until one hit around 2:00am that took my breath away. I woke up and kind of groaned and reached for Rob's arm saying, "Oh...Honey...I need some help with this one!" Rob stirred and gripped my hand and said, "You okay?" By then I was more awake and realized I needed to empty my bladder and figured that is why I'd had so much pressure with that contraction.

I went into the bathroom and while I was trying to use it I had another contraction that made me say, "OH DANG! Oh FRIGGIN' DANG!! What the...?!!" The intensity of it took me by surprise and I thought..."Hmmm...I wonder if things are starting." By the time I was done washing my hands I was having another one so I decided maybe I should stay up for a bit and see what was going on.

I started puttering around the house getting things together that hadn't been done yet. Usually by 38 weeks I am ready with all my birth supplies laid out on a clean towel in my room covered by another towel. I usually have my birth tub out and ready, usually have clothes laid out etc. This time I just hadn't gotten around to any of this, so there I was at 39 weeks busting a move to do it.

I wasn't timing but before I knew it I was having very frequent pretty intense contractions. I am not quiet about that. I make gutteral noises and talk back to my contractions a lot...something like, "Freakin' stupid contraction..." "Oh...dadgum...Ow...uggggghhhh..." and my favorite: "What the HELL? Arrggg!" Rob knows when I'm throwing "hell" around I mean business.

He stirred and said, "Hey baby. Is it coming today?" My response wasn't exactly sweet, it was something like..."Yes! But it's going to be later today so just go back to sleep but turn off your alarm...you are NOT going to work today!" In retrospect I realize that I should've known something was different because I NEVER get cranky like that in labor until I hit transition.

Apparently Rob was more conscious of my mood because he didn't go back to sleep. He got up and started getting things ready.

The two of us tried to put the tarp on the bed (which should've been done before then) but every time I would get a good hold on it I'd have another contraction. I was getting frustrated and annoyed and I was losing my focus on my contractions making them much more difficult to deal with. I realized I needed to stop and get a grip.

On the next contraction I dropped onto my hands and knees on the blankets and pillows which were on the floor at the end of the bed. During this contraction I slowed down my breathing and really focused. Once I was thinking about WHAT was hurting I was able to convey to Rob that I needed pressure on my hips. This surprised me a little because that usually comes a the END of my labors but I told him and he jumped right into his position.

After that I concentrated on what I needed to do next as a way to distract myself from the contraction. When it ended I had gathered my thoughts and I finally said, "I need you to call Stephanie (our midwife). I am going to call Shannan (my sister) and then I want you to call my dad and have him come help give me a blessing. Have him bring Vicki (my other sister) so she can help you tarp the bed. I need her to bring the empty SD card from the computer so that we can get pictures."

Rob jumped into action trying to call Stephanie. This was when we realized that I'd left my phone in Jenny's car and that we didn't have Stephanie's phone numbers. Rob hopped on the internet and started looking them up. Bless his heart everytime he'd almost have the number I'd yell... "Rooooooooobbbb...I NEED YOU!" He'd run back in and press on my hips.

Finally the calls were made. Rob talked to Stephanie around 3:20am and at that point I told him to tell her not to come yet (I hate being a watched pot in labor) because I still thought it would be later in the day before the baby would arrive. I told Shannan the same thing. "I'll call you when things change...don't go crazy trying to race over here...you know how long it could be."

About this time; all the hustle and bustle had woken Caleb and he came in and smirked said, "Hey, were you going to tell me that Piper was on the way?" That made me smile. I told him to get the other kids up so he did. They were all bright eyed and excited.

Meanwhile my dad and Vicki showed up and I met them in the front room I was having a contraction and I remember saying as it disipated, "Okay...you guys have like 1.5 min. to do this. GO!" They gave me a blessing and most of it is a blur to me except I remember the words, "...that you will have clarity and that you will know what to do when the time comes..." I started having another contraction before they were even finished. I leaned over the arm of the couch and finished it thinking..."I HAVE to get onto my bed."

By then Rob and Vicki had already jumped into tarping it and putting the birth sheets over the tarping. I got to my room and said, "Rob! You need to call Stephanie and tell her it's happening REALLY fast! She needs to come now!" He called her and it was now around 4:20. They were finishing up the bed when I had a doozy hit me that about buckled my knees. The pressure in my pelvis and hips was so intense I knew I couldn't stand up and by now my little blanket nest on the floor was gone so I leaned over the birth ball to stabilize myself.

On that contraction I had the following conversation with myself, "I feel like pushing! I am NOT supposed to feel like pushing. I couldn't possibly be more than 5 or 6 cm. at this point and if I push against an incomplete cervix it's going to cause swelling and impede my labor! Tracie! You HAVE to hold it together...you are losing it. Losing it? Of COURSE I'm losing it! There's NO WAY I can do this much pain and intensity for hours and hours more! What if I feel like pushing for hours? Can I DO that? What are my options really? I HAVE to do it at this point. There's no turning back! HOLY CRAP! HERE COMES ANOTHER FREAKING CONTRACTION!! OKAY...blow it away Tracie! Pant! Don't push!"

So the next contraction I leaned over the end of the bed and puffed and didn't push. As much as I wanted to push I puffed instead! And then I made my one big groan for this labor---which to me sounded like a lion's roar! I remember thinking "Awww crap! I probably just woke the neighbors!" and then thought, "Who friggin' cares?" With THAT attitude I realized I was definitely in transition.

The bed was finally ready so I grabbed a chux pad (plastic backed hospital pad) and climbed up on it. I was kneeling on the bed and I thought..."I don't know if I can blow away another urge to push like that! I HAVE GOT to know what is going on with this cervix!" So I reached up to check. I was astonished when I couldn't find my cervix at all. I realized that it was because it was completely dilated and I could feel nothing but Piper's head.

The next thought I had was, "Her head has too much give...it's squishy." Then I realized it was my water bag in front of Piper's head. Then the next contraction hit and I thought, "You are complete!! What are you waiting for woman?!!" I started pushing and my water broke immediately and I could feel her head move through the pelvic bones.

As I was pushing I was still kneeling and my hair was hanging in my face so I realized that no one else realized that she was coming right then so I said, "She's coming RIGHT NOW!", and then took another breath and started pushing again. Rob offered a sweet quiet affirmation, "You are doing awesome babe. We are almost there." I could tell by his reaction that he wasn't understanding what I was saying.

I suddenly felt a burning sensation (what is commonly referred to as "the ring of fire") and felt her head press against my hand and knew she was crowning. With the burning sensation I had a moment of panic about tearing so I stopped pushing and huffed a few times giving myself time to make room. Still aware that no one was understanding that now she was part way out I repeated softly but emphatically, "She is coming RIGHT NOW." Again Rob said, "Hang in there babe...you are doing great."

I remember thinking, "Are the words coming out of my mouth?" I looked at Rob's face and Vicki's face and saw that they STILL weren't getting it. I was very involved in pushing at this point and couldn't convey what I'd been trying to say so I lifted up my night gown and they all saw Piper's head. Everyone in the room's eyes got huge and there was a bit more commotion...Vicki said, "OH! SHE'S COMING RIGHT NOW." I thought to myself, "That's what I've been trying to tell you!" Rob said, "Okay!! What do you want me to do babe?!" I didn't really need anyone to do anything I just felt like they should know what was up.

At this point my body was telling me that I wasn't getting the power behind the pushing that I was going to need to get her out so I rolled back onto my behind and gave it my all. Her head came immediately. Then came the moment of clarity that was promised to me in my blessing. The thought came to me, "Check for a cord." I reached up and ran my fingers around her neck and sure enough there was a cord. I slipped it up and over her face but could only get it to her forehead. I said to Rob, "You are going to need to lift that cord off. I can't reach it." He slid it over her head.

This photo has been edited but her head is out here and I am pushing her shoulder's out.

I pushed again and didn't feel like her shoulders were coming. Again I reached in and I could hook a finger into her arm pit but couldn't get a grip. The next few seconds felt like minutes and I should've realized she'd come on her own but thinking it had been longer than it had been I said, "Rob I think you might need to help her out." Then just as he reached down to help I got another urge to push and her shoulders came through. Rob and I both put our hands around her chest and pulled her out. Rob let go and then I lifted her up and over.

She was here! She arrived at 4:58a.m. In that instant the entire world stopped and I was looking at my baby girl I've been dreaming of and praying for for years. It must have only been seconds that I was looking at her before I pulled her up to my chest and held her close but it felt like an eternity as time stood still.

You know the expression, "My life passed before my eyes?" I swear her future passed before mine and I loved her instantly. We all did!!

I turned to the kids and asked them if they could see her well and they all came over and piled onto the bed. Everyone approved of her. We decided she was a keeper for sure.

After a few minutes I suddenly remembered Stephanie and I said, "Oh! You should probably call her and tell her that she is here." Rob called and said, "The baby is already out." Stephanie said, "I'm at the front door." Rob ran in and let her in. She came into the room 4 minutes after Piper did!

She was so great. She just came in and said, "Congratulations!" Then she just let us be. I love that she just checked her out from the sidelines without interfering. She could see that she was healthy and strong and she just let us be a family for a bit.

We usually wait to cut the cord until the placenta is delivered so we waited patiently for that and pretty soon I felt uncomfortable again so I knew it was time.

Stephanie helped me get situated into a better position for the placenta and we finished up that business as quickly as possible---but it still wasn't quick enough for me. I swear it was worse than Piper's birth. It was certainly less fun.

When that was done it was Hayden's big moment. She wanted to be the one to cut the cord so she did.

After that was done I just wanted to get cleaned up as quickly as possible so I handed the baby off to Stephanie so that she could do the newborn assessment, weigh and measure her etc. while I took a quick shower. During this time Stephanie and her student Kate also removed the bedding and the tarping so that I had a clean fresh bed to climb into. They also started the laundry and got rid of the garbage from the birth. Piper weighed in at 7 lbs. 7 oz. and was 19.5" long and her assessments were perfect.

After all of that was done I climbed into bed in my clean jammies (in the pictures here it looks like the same one I labored in...it's not) and snuggled up to nurse my sweet angel for the first time.

Everyone got turns holding her and snuggling her and we just spent the rest of the day snuggled up on our babymoon. It was an amazing day!

In Memory of Harry Stewart Randall

2010-04-18T21:58:00.000-07:00

Vicki and I made this little movie of Harry's life as a memory for Monti and Shannan

One Year ago our family was blessed with the privilege of having my sister Shannan's baby boy Harry born into our family. He only stayed with us for 6 days.

In honor of Harry's birthday I am reposting his story and a few thoughts that I have about him:

During the early morning hours of April 19th, 2009 Harry was born by emergency cesarean section at Mountain Vista Medical Center. Due to complications surrounding his birth he was born oxygen deprived and he was flown by air evac to Phoenix Children’s Hospital.

Harry spent the next 5 days struggling for life. After numerous tests which finally indicated that Harry would not be staying with us for long, the doctors made the decision that it would be best to turn down the ventilator and see how Harry reacted. There was really no reaction. It was evident that his little body was just not going to be big enough to hold his amazing and brilliant spirit.

The morning of April 24th the plan was to remove the breathing tube and to let Harry rest from this work he’d been doing. The tube was removed at 1:45 p.m. Shannan and Monti were able to hold him without all of the apparatus and to sit as a family and just love and comfort each other. Some of us were privileged to be in that room as the veil was parted and Harry seemed to linger somewhere between here and eternity for about five hours. Those hours felt like minutes to us they passed so quickly. In short time Harry’s struggling breaths slowed and his body seemed to be even more cuddled into his mother as he truly began to leave it behind. He returned to Heavenly Father at about 5:30 p.m. on April 24th.

Harry is an extraordinary spirit who was born to extraordinary people. I believe he was so good and so valiant that he did not need to be tested in this life. He needed a body and because of the extraordinary efforts that his mommy and daddy made to provide one he was able to obtain one and to fulfill his brief mission here.

It has been hard this last year as we have missed having Harry here with us but I have taken comfort in knowing that thanks to the atonement of Jesus Christ we will be with Harry again someday. This is not wishful thinking on my part or just words that we say to comfort each other.

I know it.

I know it with absolute certainty.

I have a testimony that Jesus Christ lived and that He died for us and that He was resurrected.

I know that He lives.

I know that because of his sacrifice we can be resurrected as well and that through His Gospel we can live with our families again someday...that this life is only a probation and that Eternal Life is possible in and through the atonement of the Savior. I am so grateful for a Father in Heaven who provided us with a way to return to Him and for a loving Brother Jesus Christ who chose to be the Way.

Harry's brief probation here gave us a gift. He reminded us of what is essential. He reminded us what is most precious to us above anything else. We were so blessed to have him with us for 6 days and we love him and will miss him.

Disneyland

2010-04-14T00:25:00.000-07:00

The past couple of years we have not taken our annual Disneyland vacation but at tax time this year we decided to get our priorities straight and visit the Happiest Place on Earth. :)

All kidding aside, we did actually decide that building some memories with our kids IS in fact a priority...not that you have to go to Disneyland to do that but it is a big help.

We happen to be what I refer to as "avid Disneyers"...we love everything about Disneyland. Perhaps it is just nostalgia on mine and Rob's part since we both have some really great memories of Disneyland but whatever it is; apparently we have imparted it to our kids because they saved every penny they got this year to go and came up with about $400 on their own to contribute! What troopers!

This year we were lucky enough to have our Auntie Beth (my best friend from childhood) and her sister Hannah along. Hannah is a lovely 13 year old girl so it was just AWEFUL for our boys to have to decide who HAD to ride with her on some of the rides. ;) (There may or may not have been a little romantic sibling rivalry on their parts...I'm just sayin'.)

We were also fortunate to have planned our vacation at the same time as our good friends Pat and Kristine John and their awesome clan of kiddos so we were able to hang out with them at the Magic Kingdom as well. So fun!!

This slideshow is a small representation of the fun we had there this year and the memories that we will always cherish...it was a blast!

20 weeks

2010-03-08T23:54:00.001-08:00

We are going into our 20th week. Our baby girl is about the length of a banana and is curled up like that most of the time. She weighs about 1/2 a pound now. Yay baby! Her head is now finally a little more proportional to her body and she looks more like a baby than a little alien from now on.

As for me, I have reached the point that the "bump" can't really be hidden anymore and I am feeling the effects of that in my low back by late evening. I am typically a back sleeper but I have had to start side sleeping since that low back pain is waking me at night. That and my persistently full bladder are the first real pregnancy signs that I have felt and as annoying as they should be I actually find them novel and reassuring.

Found out today that anemia is still a bit of an issue for me. I guess I am not that surprised since I am still cold all the time except for my belly which is apparently getting all the blood flow because it is always warm. A more sentimental explanation is that my little princess is just radiating warmth from the inside out. :) You are welcome to think that is cheezy...I just think she is sweet and all I know is that I do feel warm carrying her inside of me.

A day in the life...

2010-03-08T21:51:00.000-08:00

We had our 20 week prenatal appointment today. I actually thought this might be a good opportunity to show what a typical Midwifery appointment is like. This is something that I get a lot of questions about. I used to think it was an odd question but I guess I have come to realize that the whole concept of homebirth is so foreign to most people that it naturally elicits a certain curiosity.

I have become aware in conversations that there are many people who imagine that Midwifery care means that I meet with a Wiccan who is dressed in a broomstick skirt and Birkenstocks so that she can burn sage around me and rub herbs on my belly to bless my baby. This kind of notion always just makes me laugh but in an effort to dispel this and other crazy ideas about prenatal care from a Midwife I am posting these pictures and a real description of a typical appointment.

For those who find this odd...keep in mind that I have a lot of clients and friends whose curiosity about---all things birth related---is borderline obsessive. We call ourselves 'birth junkies' and this kind of thing fascinates us so if you aren't a birth junkie feel free to pass on this post. :)

This is a shot of the exterior of Nurturing Hearts Birth Services or NHBS. In my previous pregnancies I was fortunate to have the luxury of 'home visits' wherein my Midwife came to my home for prenatals. The home visit is becoming increasingly less common as the "valley" has spread making the travel time for Midwives ridiculous. It does make sense for us to come to them whenever possible and if I have to have an appointment that isn't in my home then at least it gets to be in the lovely home-like atmosphere of Nurturing Hearts.

This is the waiting room outside the offices of NHBS. My kids love it here and they are always welcomed graciously by Stephanie and Kate since the Midwifery Model of care sees pregnancy and birth as a family affair.

When Stephanie steps out to get us from the waiting room we move into her office where there is a little couch for me and a toy area for the kids. The beginning of the appointment starts with a casual chat on the couch about how I have been feeling in the last few weeks; do I have any concerns or ailments bothering me; questions I might have for my Midwives or questions they have for me about my nutrition and general health.

Today we went over my ultrasound results which was nice because I found out from Kate that the report showed that my placenta is anterior (this means at the front of my uterus) which likely explains why I have yet to feel the baby's movement. It puts a little 'pillow' between me and the moving baby so it finally makes a little sense and puts me at ease about the fact that this is the longest I have ever gone before feeling the baby move.

After we chat for a bit I move over to this little cot where Kate checks my blood pressure (as seen here---Notice Hayden's fascination with the process) and measures my fundal height (how far up the uterus has grown in the last month) and in this particular appointment also drew some more blood for another panel to check out my anemia---which; unfortunately; I am still battling.

Notice anything missing from this "exam table"? That's right...stirrups. That's because V.E.s are rarely performed prenatally by midwives. There is really no medical benefit to V. examinations at this point and most pregnant women find them---and the narrow, cold exam tables to which they are attached---very uncomfortable. Even when/if a V.E. is necessary such as when a GBS (Group B Strep) culture is performed there is really no benefit to the use of stirrups---that archaic contraption (torture device?) which was invented by a man and does not account for the comfort of a pregnant woman in any way shape or form.

After all that "boring" clinical stuff we get to listen to the baby's heartbeat with the doppler. (This actually has clinical benefits too but the kids and I just like to hear her heartbeat! This is Nate's favorite part of the appointment---he is on the left in this picture.)

Finally we wrap up the appointment with more questions and conversation. I never feel rushed and always enjoy our chats since I feel like all of my concerns are addressed and we are also building a great rapport which helps a lot when you consider that at the end of this ride I am going to be spending hours with these ladies in my home waiting for the baby to make her appearance. Pictured here are Stephanie Soderblum, my Midwife (in brown) and Kate Cunningham, her student (in green).

All in all the appointment takes about an hour and I can honestly say it is one of the best hours of my month. I look forward to it which is such an enormous juxtaposition to the dread I used to feel when I went for my OB appointments in Caleb's pregnancy. And THAT is a day in the life.

Pinewood Derby

2010-03-06T14:47:00.000-08:00

Whew! It's all over. Okay...so it wasn't THAT bad. :) I just wanted to post a couple of pictures of the boys cars and explain them.

Nater wanted to make a wii remote for his "car" and this was the design we came up with. And yes...there is actually a 3-D "B" button on the bottom. Sorry it doesn't show here.

The boys love the Percy Jackson and the Olympians book series in which Percy Jackson finds out that he is a demi-God: Poseidon's child. Out of his love for these books, Caleb chose the trident as the main design for his car. Percy's sword in the book is called Riptide---hence the name on the side of his car.

Caleb placed 3rd overall for the Webelos age group and Nate won 1 of his heats. This last picture is of his car winning. If you look close you will see the nose of the other car on the left of the picture.

Building Stuff With My Boys

2010-03-04T23:30:00.000-08:00

Okay so every year when Pinewood Derby rolls around I am filled with dread. Rob isn't really into stuff like cutting out cars on the jigsaw so it kind of falls to me to help the boys with their cars.

The funny thing is, I dread it because it stresses me out that I will mess up the block and have to start over but then we get going with it and it ends up being really fun. I like working with them and we have a lot of fun watching the cars---literally---take shape.

Yesterday we cut out Nater's and sanded it and in the evening the whole family went ot Home Depot to get some paint and another bit for the Dremel so we could work on Caleb's today. Nate got a Home Depot gift card for Christmas that he's been chomping at the bit to spend so he was able to buy his own paint with it there and he even wanted to buy the Dremel bit with his card as well. There is a reason we call him Nate the Tool Man.

Today we cut out Caleb's car and sanded it and we got the base paint on both of theirs. That means tomorrow we will lacquer them and add the wheels on. Geez...did I say it was fun? It may be fun but it is a lot of work. My neck is totally jacked up from bending over the Dremel.

I guess ulitimately it isn't really about building the cars but about building the memories. We have some good ones from this year. Here are a few pictures Vicki took of us.

Hey...check back for pictures of the finished results! The boys had some really cool ideas this year. (If you click on the first picture of Caleb and I to enlarge it and then look really close at his block you will get a sneak peak at his design.)

I shall call her...

2010-03-03T22:29:00.001-08:00

The kids have decided that since we are not telling anyone the baby's name and they are tired of rotating other names; the baby needs an official one that we can call her around other people.

They decided on the name Helvetica. Ha ha! They are so funny. Nate came up with it actually but there was a quick vote taken and the 'Ayes' had it.

I said she needs a middle name and ever since watching the movie Mrs. Doubtfire I have always loved the name Euphegenia...Mrs. Doubfire herself...Effie for short. That name cracks me up. I don't know why. I'm weird like that.

So her official moniker until she is born (or until someone accidentally lets the cat out of the bag) is: Helvetica Euphegenia Halliday. I love it.

It's a...

2010-03-03T22:08:00.000-08:00

Drum roll please.........It's a girl!! So I am a couple of days behind but we had our ultrasound on Monday and they told us it was a girl.

The way it took place was very anticlimactic which kind of stinks but at least we know. The thing is; the tech was searching and searching for gender but couldn't find anything. Then she said, "I'm guessing girl because your baby is face down and has been really active so with all of that movement and gravity I am sure I would have seen 'something' float into view if it was a boy. So my guess is more about what I DON'T see than about what I see."

Then finally she says, "Yeah. I'm going to go with girl because I finally see something that looks like a girl." I saw what she was seeing as well but she was so casual about her pronouncement I thought, "So is that official or...???" Rob asked that exact thing and she nodded emphatically and said, "Oh yes. For sure...I'm calling it a girl."

So it wasn't an "A HA!!" moment but we finally got what we wanted. The kids were thrilled. Especially Hayden.

On a separate note...our concern about the occasional bleeding I have had seems to be unfounded. Placenta looks great. Cervix is closed. There is no evidence of any bleeding IN the uterus. (There is usually a dark spot on the endometrium---uterine lining---if there has been a bleed.)

Still no real explanation for it but as I tell clients all the time when they have this issue; if you get a random nose bleed you don't assume you have a brain tumor...

Ultimately, the ultrasound showed a very healthy VERY active baby. So active the tech said, "So you haven't felt movement yet? Cuz when you do, this baby will be keeping you up nights. I think it is the most active fetus I have ever seen in an ultrasound!"

I concur! I couldn't believe how wiggly she was. Her arms and legs were literally pumping...it looked like she was jogging in place. Maybe that is why I haven't felt her yet---her movements are mostly in her arms and legs and those small movements are not as easy to feel as flips and somersaults.

Guess we are getting a busy little bee. I don't mind that at all. I am just so happy to see her very healthy.

For those who follow stats: She measured 18w. 4d. and FHT was 154 bpm. The tech put my EDD as 8/1 as opposed to 7/28 but most of you know how little stock I put in EDDs so go figure.

Roll with it...

2010-02-26T09:01:00.000-08:00

In the light of day things don't seem so grim. As he was leaving for work this morning Rob leaned down and kissed me on the forehead and said, "You know; I don't want this to come across wrong but I am not the least bit worried about this thing...You know what I mean?"

I do know what he means. I worry enough for the both of us and it totally clouds my judgment on things. I am glad that he has a clearer view. Its a great comfort to me. He's a good man. I am glad he's around. :)

P.S. The ultrasound is scheduled for Monday afternoon.

The good the bad and the ugly...

2010-02-25T23:22:00.000-08:00

So, I'm blogging the good and the bad right? I have a lot on my mind tonight as I had a little spotting again tonight. It's frustrating to be experiencing this again at 18 weeks.

I had several episodes of this early on and was worried at the time of each event but each time a follow up ultrasound showed a lovely normal heartbeat. At this point in my pregnancy it's a little unusual to see it again but it does happen so I'm keeping my chin up. (Wish it wasn't late at night because I'd really like to see if my Midwife would like to give a little listen with her doppler if it was day time.)

So...I'm just going to try to take this odd little event in stride (it has ceased now) and see what we find out at the ultrasound next week. I really wish I was past the point where I feel movement. It would bring me a lot of peace to know the baby is squirming around...hmmm...hang in there Trace...(Am I being my own doula here? What's with that?)

18 weeks

2010-02-23T13:59:00.001-08:00

The baby is nearly 18 weeks now. We had an ultrasound last Wed. which showed that he/she weighed (as far as they can tell) roughly 7 oz. and is about 7 in. long both of which are right on for last week. We had hoped to find out the baby’s gender but it seems that our little one likes to hide from the transducer apparently not a fan of ultrasound.

The kids were all there in the room and as soon as the image of the baby popped onto the screen there was a universal “Awwww!!!” from all of them since it was a very clear full body profile shot of head, torso, and legs. One of them said, “I see it’s spine…” One said, “There’s it’s skull…” They were all very impressed.

Personally; for me it was kind of surreal. Other than my growing girth I have yet to feel pregnant in any way. I haven’t felt the baby move yet and there is sort of an odd denial about the whole thing as if it just isn’t real yet. So when she put the wand on my belly and suddenly there was a baby on the screen I actually let out an involuntary gasp---like I was surprised there was actually a baby in there! I think the fact that it took so long to get pregnant this time makes it feel fleeting somehow. I can’t wait to actually start to feel movement. I think that will concrete things a bit emotionally. Besides; there is NOTHING in the world like the feeling of life moving inside of you. It is absolutely amazing.

In my previous pregnancies I have always felt movement for the first time during my 18th week and we will be having our diagnostic ultrasound around 19 weeks so I guess we’ll have another chance at finding out the gender then so we have a couple of fun milestones coming up really soon. I’m trying to be patient but I confess I am very eager for both. I will keep you posted when they are fulfilled.

Midwifery appointment update

2010-02-23T13:54:00.000-08:00

Yesterday we had an appt. with our Midwifery team Stephanie Soderblom and Kate Cunningham. We actually were not supposed to see them again until Mar. 8 which would be closer to my 20 week mark but last time I was in I had my OB blood panel drawn and we found out that I was pretty severely anemic. My hemoglobin was at 8.0 which is very low. It should be around 12. Many women become anemic in pregnancy around 26-28 weeks because their blood volume increases so vastly that the hemoglobin becomes diluted. I was barely at 15 weeks and already well below the norm.

Because of this Stephanie suggested a particular iron supplement called Floradix which has been shown to improve iron deficiency anemia. She also asked me to add in (vitamin C. which helps iron absorption) and a sublingual b vitamin and asked me to come back after a few weeks of use to see if there is a change.

Well if you know me well then you know that the minute I got home from my appt. I pulled out all of my nutrition books and midwifery texts and started pouring over information about anemia and b vitamin deficiency. I made myself a list of things to avoid (phosphates for one---a preservative found in lunch meats and hotdogs which is notorious for blocking iron absorption) and things to add in such as high protein foods, green leafy vegetables and citrus and committed myself to improved nutrition. I confess up until then; despite the fact that I know better; (Note to clients: Do as I say not as I do!) I’d been slacking A LOT in the nutrition department.

Jump ahead to yesterday: Kate drew my blood again and this time everything came back in normal ranges. Whew! I am really glad to know that the nutritional changes and supplementation has been paying off and once again this was a testament to me about the importance of excellent nutrition in pregnancy.

I always say that everything that goes into your mouth in pregnancy should be of benefit to your body and your baby. Of course that is easier said than done when there are Ghirardelli chocolates left over from Valentines day on your nightstand. But truth be known I have found a balance there too. I think it’s important that those kind of indulgences just NEVER replace the things your body needs. In other words a Snickers bar does NOT count as lunch just because it has peanuts in it.

We will be watching this anemia thing closely and stay on top of the supplements that seem to be improving it...now if I could just stay hydrated...

Somewhere UNDER the pedestal...

2010-02-18T20:28:00.000-08:00

This is my blog. Some blogs are a political forum. Some blogs are religious standards. Some blogs are just for fun. I keep a blog so that I can write about the current events of our lives. I am generally a happy and upbeat person so I generally write happy and upbeat posts. A few months ago when things were not great I didn’t write about much because I wanted to keep the blog happy and upbeat but then I just didn’t blog. Today when something happened that is really eating at me I decided: You know what? It’s my dadgum blog and not everything that happens in my life is happy or upbeat so if I want to vent on my blog I’m going to! So now you have been warned so if you don’t like it stop reading now.

So here is what happened: One of my children came in to me today and tell me that the child of one of our friends said to my children that they shouldn’t talk to her or her brothers anymore because it will make their “mommy mad” because---and I quote; “You guys say bad words and do naughty things.”

You know that sinking feeling in your gut…the one that makes your throat close up a little and your eyes to well with tears…the one that makes you think, “Can I rewind the last 10 seconds of my life and have it not happen? Yeah…I had that feeling.

Not sure that there was full understanding on the part of my child and hoping that he had misunderstood, I called Caleb in (being that he is 10 years old and smart and truthful) and asked him---independent of the other child, “What happened this morning? There was a conversation about you guys playing with friends and it went how?” He repeated it verbatim only with a little more hurt and insult in his voice since he is also sensitive and kind and couldn’t quite understand the reason behind the venom with which this particular personal attack came from this other child.

Well I wasn’t sure what to say to him because I’m afraid that I don’t quite get it either. I can only say that not all naughty talk is potty talk. Some naughty talk is gossip and malice toward others. Some naughty talk is putting other people down to make yourself (or your children) seem taller. Some naughty behavior is about judging others and treating them like they are beneath you in some way.

Incidentally; it should be noted; in case you are unfamiliar with my children and their widely known reputation for being good kids---they are in fact---good kids. The only kind of “bad words” that I know for a fact have been said in front of these friends are; GASP!~ “stupid”, “dummy”, perhaps “idiot”…not F-Bombs, not profanity, not even potty words per se.

The words which have been said on occasion are typical “kid” words which we actually do not permit in our house but which now and then slip into bickering and kid behavior. I do not approve of them yet neither do I think that my children are on a highway to Hell because of the occasional use of them. (P.S. It’s okay that I said “Hell” there because it is a reference to a place in this scenario but if you feel more comfortable about it just try to pretend that the Ls in that word are hockey sticks.)

So my children are not perfect. They are kids. They are not finished being molded or raised and we certainly have a long road ahead of us. But they are GOOD kids and I am happy to say that they are neither arrogant nor self righteous. They pretty much look on everyone as equals. They are about as non-judgmental as kids come. We have worked hard to teach them that every person deserves love, respect and the “benefit of the doubt” regardless of their looks, their background, their religious beliefs…the list goes on.

Just because someone is different than you doesn’t make them less than you.

The top of a pedestal can be a very lonely place.

I think I’ll hang out with the other sinners beneath it. Christ did. He mingled with sinners and lived among them and yet in His perfection He did not shun those who were not perfect, he embraced them.

Rob and I are comfortable with the notion that if; after we raise our children; they manage to grow into kind, loving, compassionate, charitable, Christ-like adults who occasionally say “darn” or “heck” we will still consider it a job done well. If on the other hand, they never say a single bad word but they are holier than thou and hypocritical then I think that would be the biggest heart break of all.

The good news is that I think we might be headed in the right direction. While I sat shaking my head about this situation and now blogging about it (clearly I am not totally over it); my children came to a wiser and more charitable consensus on how to handle the situation. They talked it over and what they said to me is this:

“It doesn’t matter what they think because it’s not true. Besides even if it was true, Heavenly Father loves us all no matter what." Then they told me that they will still love these friends even though they had said naughty things to them because: "...that is what Heavenly Father would want us to do."

Maybe it is me who will learn from them.

Alien child?

2010-02-05T13:51:00.000-08:00

My mom went in to her closet to get a pair of shoes this morning and when she reached for them they didn't budge. She grabbed them again and pulled harder...and there they sat---unmoved---seemingly attached to the shelf they were sitting on.

That is because they were; in fact; attached to the shelf they were sitting on. That is because they had been glued there by someone. So, who is the first person that she calls? Me. And why did she call me? Because I am the mother of HIM. To which HIM do you think I am referring? Take a shot in the dark.

My response: Give us about 5 minutes and we'll be right over so you can talk to him. She says, "I'm not mad you know...we've all been cracking up about it over here." I said, "I know. And I am not going to say a word to him about it because I want to be standing there watching when you ambush him." Incidentally; neither one of us have mentioned anyone's name in this whole conversation...it's just a given.

So I make an excuse to my kids about how I need to go on the internet and we are going to run to grandma's for a minute. We arrive, walk into her room and she holds up her shoes which have now been pried off of the shelf and have glue and paint residue spots on the heels.

HE just gets a big sheepish grin on his face, shrugs his shoulders and innocently says, "WHAT?"

I don't know what planet this kid came from.

15 weeks

2010-02-03T15:45:00.000-08:00

This is what our baby looks like about now. I can't believe how quickly the growth has accelerated and how big it is at this point. I don't know WHY I'm surprised because by the looks of the telltale "bump" on the front of me you'd think it was much bigger.

(Although according to my prenatal appointment my uterus is measuring ahead a bit. My midwife asked if we were sure it's one and she is not the first to ask so let me quickly dispel any rumors---according to the four early ultrasounds we have already had it is just one.)

The baby is now just about 4 inches long and approximately 2-2.5 ounces. The baby's hearing is now beginning to develop a bit more acutely so I guess I should think about NOT blaring my music in the car anymore. :) Seriously though I love this stage because I usually start reading books to my babies around 16 weeks and it feels like a special time for the two of us. I don't have anything but analogical evidence to support it but I swear it's the reason that all of my kids are bookworms.

I haven't felt the baby move yet but we have seen it move on an ultrasound and as I mentioned in a previous post it kicked the doppler at our appointment so I am REALLY eager to start to feel movement. It really is just weeks away and I can't help but feel a little giddy remembering that feeling and looking forward to it again soon. I'll keep you posted on that. :)

Is that safe?

2010-02-03T15:38:00.000-08:00

Probably the MOST frequently asked question I get when people find out that I have had 3 homebirths with a CPM (Certified Professional Midwife) and that I’m planning one for this baby is: Is homebirth safe? I am NEVER offended at this question and ALWAYS happy to answer any questions people have about homebirth. Before getting into that; I would first answer the question “Is it safe?” with a couple of questions of my own:

1) Knowing me like you do; do you really think I would do anything to risk any one of my children’s safety? 2) After working in the birth industry for 16 years (and educating myself far before that) don’t you think I might have checked into the safety of homebirth before making such a decision?

With that said, I can quickly answer both of those questions for you: I wouldn’t do anything to risk my children’s safety and I have studied in depth the safety and efficacy of homebirth and the fact is it is about as safe as birth gets.

To quote the conclusion of a recent British Medical Journal (BMJ) study: “Planned home birth for low risk women in North America using certified professional midwives was associated with lower rates of medical intervention but similar intrapartum and neonatal mortality to that of low risk hospital births in the United States.”

You can read this study in it’s entirety HERE.

It is an excellent study which provides specific statistical information and is worth the reading and far more interesting than these rantings so if you want to skip my little commentary and go directly to the study; it will answer the question “Is homebirth safe” with far more efficiency than I will be able to.

Some information which has affected my views on birth and my decisions about how I feel I can give birth to my own babies with the least risk and best outcome is as follows:

*The United States is ranked 42nd in the WORLD for maternal mortality rates and has the second worst newborn death rate in modern world; yet 99% of births are in hospital in the U.S. This does not provide me with a lot of evidence that our industrialized and modern nation has improved upon birth safety with all of our intervention and medicalization of it.

*Conversely: The countries with the lowest infant and maternal mortality rates (i.e., The Netherlands) also have the highest home birth rates.

Mortality rates aside, there are other factors of safety and satisfaction to be considered. The BMJ study further cites the following statistics: “Medical intervention rates included a transport rate of 12.1% (women who intended to deliver at home when labour began but were transferred to hospital). Epidural rate of 4.7%, Episiotomy rate of 2.1%, Forceps use1.0%, Vacuum extraction 0.6%, and caesarean section 3.7%; these rates were all substantially lower than for low risk US women having hospital births.”

I could continue to cite study after study, and give a list of books and authorities which have influenced my decisions but it basically comes down to my answer being:

YES~ Homebirth is very safe.

I am a low risk mother who is under excellent prenatal care and observation. I believe that birth on the whole is safe and is a natural function of the human body. I believe that when left to its own processes will take place without incident and that it is the cascade of interventions that begins to set complications in motion.

Now and then (rarely) there are complications that arise which require further intervention and when those occasions arise I’m grateful for modern science and our access to it. However; in the absence of those rarities I believe that the less you mess around with labor the more normal it remains. It’s ONE of the reasons I choose to homebirth. (Sometime I’ll tell you about the other reasons…the ones that are less science based and more emotionally based. There are some good aspects to those as well.)

In the meantime; rest at ease that neither myself---nor my baby--- is at risk because of our choice to birth at home. Truth be told; in almost any other country but ours it would be considered perfectly normal and as great as our nation is, when it comes to birth we are in a crisis. Maybe we should be looking elsewhere for advice on healthy outcomes.

Our midwifery team

2010-02-01T22:24:00.000-08:00

Check out our awesome midwives at www.nurturingheartsbirthservices.com

First Prenatal Appt.

2010-02-01T22:07:00.000-08:00

Well, as indecisive as I tend to be I also have strong instincts and when I listen to myself sometimes they work out.

In researching midwives one name kept coming back to me: Stephanie Soderblom. Interestingly it is not the first time I have thought about using her as a midwife. I have been familiar with her reputation for a long time and have always heard great things about her.

Well last week I finally made some calls and set up appointments for interviews. I purposely set hers up to be the first interview and kept thinking that if it went well I would just cancel the others. It went WELL. She pre-empted all of my questions with answers that just clicked with me. Often times she would make a statement that answered a question I hadn't even thought to ask but realized I was very curious about. I felt pretty much instantly connected to both her and her assistant Kate Cunningham. They make a great team and they fit our family like a glove. We couldn't be more happy with our decision to go with them.

So today we had our first prenatal appt. The kids all came to both the interview and the prenatal appt. Their comfort with the midwife and her comfort with them is a huge priority for us since we believe that birth is about the whole family.

We got to hear the baby's heartbeat tonight; this was the first time the kids were able to be there for that and they all smiled really big when they heard the "horses hooves". They also thought it was great when the baby kicked the doppler and it made a loud noise.

After our awesome appointment we took the kids to Rumby Island Grill for dinner and had teryaki chicken and brown rice: the first food I was able to get in all day since I have been a little sick today and yesterday. YUCK. All in all it was a fun family home evening with one of the better activities we have had in a while.

We also talked with the midwives about our ultrasound and it looks like we will go for that in a little over a week. YAY!! Love to see our sweetpea and hopefully find out the gender. Can't wait.

Decisions, decisions...

2010-01-22T14:37:00.000-08:00

I am one of the most indecisive people in the world...a trait which makes my husband completely nuts. I will agonize over what to order from a menu and then finally make my order and the second the waiter walks away I will inevitably say, "DOH! I should've picked the other one." Rob hates it.

However once I make a decision about something and am satisfied with it I rarely alter my course because I dread making a new decision. So you can only imagine my dismay that my Midwife Stephanie retired after Max's birth. Can you think of anything that I would have a stronger opinion on than birth unless it was who will attend MY birth?

This is not a first for me. An OB/GYN delivered Caleb at Mesa Lutheran Hospital with an epidural and the list of typical medical interventions. It was a very dissatisfying experience for me and left me with a case of PPD and horrible memories which haunted me for two years until I replaced them with amazing memories of Nathaniel's beautiful planned homebirth with CPM (Certified Professional Midwife) Claudine Calligan.

When it was over; as beautiful as it was; I ended up making a list of "things I'd do differently": at which point Rob dubbed me a "birth perfectionist". He may be right about that but regardless, I remembered my list when I gave birth to Hayden in the tiny master bedroom of our first townhouse 18 months later. We were fortunate to be able to use the same Midwife.

After Hayden's birth I thought I kind of had things down and my "do differently list" was shorter. So two years later pregnant with Max---plan in hand---I tried to contact Claudine only to be heartbroken to find out she had retired! What? How could she do that without consulting me?

Years before I had met an awesome midwife named Stephanie Pennick but happenstance had kept us from meeting again. I took a chance called her up and she was available for a late September birth. She was a wonderful, hands off, quiet, background presence at Max's birth. She was a true guardian of the process while letting our family quietly experience a mother birthing her baby into the hands of his father. This birth was finally the perfection I had been trying to achieve with the others and Stephanie was a huge contributor to that perfection.

I can't tell you how sad I am to know she won't be a part of this next one. So now the search is on for that "perfect" replacement. It seems impossible to me that I'll be able to find someone who meets all my criteria (I'll admit they are high standards) but then I think back to how I thought I'd never love a midwife like I loved Claudine and look what happened...I found Stephanie.

Truth is: I always say, "Every woman is in love with her obstetrician because they feel like he GAVE her her baby." The same thing applies to midwives; when a person is party to something as life altering as birth, when they are present at that moment that a piece of your heart is torn from your body and will walk around outside of you for the rest of your life; you can't help but develop an unbreakable bond.

So...the search is on. Guess I'd better stop putting it off and find somebody.

11-13 wk baby

2010-01-20T15:08:00.000-08:00

This is about what our sweet pea looks like right now. It is about 3 inches long---about the size of a lemon. Between now and 16 weeks it will quadruple in size! It is drinking amniotic fluid, moving it's little arms and legs and possibly sucking its thumb (Awww!! Can you think of anything cuter than that thought?). It's wiggling about in it's little swimming pool which is about a quart of fluid...thank you...I DO in fact have an excuse for this gut that is overlapping my low rider jeans!

Speaking of the gut: While I'm not thrilled with how early I am showing (5th baby---6th pregnancy...give me a break) I have to say it's been a little fun being able to palpate my fundus (lay terms translation: feel the top of my uterus through my abdominal wall) this time. I have always been very heavy with my other pregnancies and never felt the fundus until it was well above my navel (20-25 weeks) before. Sometimes I just lay in my bed with my shirt up and poke at at the bump. Then I just stare at it waiting for it to do something. (Little inside giggle!) I absolutely adore it and the little life moving around inside of it...I can't wait until I can feel the baby moving...that is my FAVORITE part of pregnancy.

Baby Bellatrix or Baby Betelgeuse?

2010-01-20T14:40:00.000-08:00

So as of tomorrow (Thurs. Jan. 21) I will be 13 weeks along. Our kids are so excited about the baby! (As are we) Originally we decided as a family that we were going to not find out the baby's gender thinking it would be neat to wait until the birth to see what we'd been baking all those months. The kids will all be there (at the birth) and they all decided it would be a fun surprise.

However as time has passed we have all gotten a little too eager to talk about names and maybe pick up a few baby items, after all shopping for baby and coming up with names are a big part of the fun of a pregnancy. Until we find out the gender (around 20 weeks which will be early March) the kids have come up with random names to call "it" since no one likes to say "it". A few they have come up with are Bellatrix and Betelgeuse (the two stars that make up the shoulders of the Orion constellation---my kids are weird---they are really into astronomy). They have also ocassionally called the baby various Greek names such as Aphrodite, Demeter and Haphaestus (thank you Percy Jackson). And finally of course what baby name list would be complete without contributions from J.K. Rowling? So naturally they've thrown Albus Severus into the mix. Oh and just to keep it interesting Max likes the name Pluto...as in Mickey Mouse's dog!

I found a gender analysis test online that can be taken as early as 10 weeks which has a 90% accuracy result in lab and 82% accuracy in "real life" use which allows for user error. If you have been on prescription progesterone supplementation (which I have) you have to wait for 10 days after last use or it will affect your results adversely. So, my last dose of progesterone is next Thurs. and 10 days later I'll let you know what the test says that I am 82% likely to be carrying!

For the record: Rob and I and Caleb and Nate have no preference. Hayden would like to have a sister (I'd like her to have one; all girls should have a sister...sistera are the BEST) but says she just "LOVES baby boys" so it would be okay to have a boy. Max says it IS a sister but he doesn't mind a brother...but "it's NOT a brother...it's a SISTER!" Nobody cares what the gender is...we are just happy to have a baby!

Drum Roll....

2010-01-20T13:55:00.000-08:00

First things first: I can't think of any subject more deserving of the first post I put on here in months than the fact that we are expecting Halliday Baby #5 in July! Over the next few months I plan to chronicle the good the bad and the ugly about my pregnancy so I figure now is as good a time as any to post the "how it all came about" story:

This baby is a long time coming and such a blessing and answer to prayers for our family. We have been trying for a little over 2 1/2 years for this one. Go figure. For those who don't know, it took 5 years for us to get Caleb here but then after that we seemed to have the formula down. Nate, Hayden and Max came along boom boom boom...like a little step ladder so it came as a bit of a surprise to us that we didn't achieve pregnancy #5 with such ease.

2 years into trying we finally started seeing Dr. H. Randall Craig at The Fertility Treatment Center. We did the whole fertility workup and then they started us on a fairly aggressive regimen of fertility medications that included injections and oral medications and monthly IUIs (Intra Uterine Insemination). Each month we got our hopes up...each month it failed. It was very hard emotionally especially with all the hormones coursing through my blood! :)

On the third cycle of meds I actually developed ovarian cysts instead of viable follicles. That was devastating. I had to take medications to supress ovulation and it set us back about 6 weeks. As it turns out we had a very early miscarriage on the subsequent cycle. So early that we were unaware of the pregnancy until I was actually miscarrying (perhaps 5 gestational weeks which is actually maybe 3 weeks after conception). Again, it was devastating.

Finally on Nov. 5 we had our 3rd IUI and as they say, 3rd time is a charm...12 days later (I couldn't wait out the 14 days they suggested!) we tested and found out that we were expecting. Two days later on Nov. 18th we had an ultrasound and got to see our little blip on the screen with it's tiny heartbeat. AMAZING! After all of that there we were looking at a baby that was just 14 days in the making!

We could hardly believe it...there are times that we can still hardly believe it. We are totally thrilled and madly in love already. And so begins this adventure!

SLACKER!

2010-01-20T13:52:00.000-08:00

I have been such a slacker. This is my promise to myself that I am going to improve on keeping up this blog this year. As I have said many times, this blog is really mostly a record for our own family, a journal of sorts but now and then there might be something someone else finds interesting so feel free to browse. I am working on trying to post more of those things here this year. So here's to better blogging! Wish me luck.

"Let it Be Me..."

2009-08-26T13:37:00.000-07:00

This is just a shameless brag about the man I love and how good he is to me:

Rob has an MLB application on his ipod that he likes to look at when he’s trying to fall asleep at night. So the other night I was snuggled into the crook of his arm watching the plays of the day with him when he suddenly clicks it over to his music, hands me an ear phone and says, “Let’s listen to some music together…”

He said it so casually and seemingly spontaneously that I had no idea he’d been planning it for days just waiting for the opportune moment. I popped in the ear phone and next thing I know he’s playing a playlist for me made up of songs all dedicated…to me.

So as I lay there, (tears streaming down) I was thinking to myself: “After 18 years together how does he manage to still surprise me?” When I say surprise I am not referring to the unexpected gift of the playlist---which was a lovely surprise---but rather the fact that he is able to continue to make me fall more in love with him in spite of the years that have passed and everything that we have been through in those years.

Surely there is a statute of limitations on wooing but if there is, no one has informed Rob of it. I don’t know how he has been able to put up with me knowing all of my faults and loving me in spite of them. He is too good to me. I don’t deserve him.

2009-08-11T17:28:00.000-07:00

This year to celebrate Rob’s birthday the theme was his “favorite things”. I threw him a party and started by inviting all his favorite people. Then we served a few of his favorite foods: Homemade hot wings, jalepeno poppers, chips and homemade salsa and Touchdown Taco dip. And of course his favorite things would be incomplete without Dr. Pepper (Compliments of Joe and Misty---thanks guys!) and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups (compliments of Eric and Emily---thanks guys!)

Lastly we served up some “Bleeding Armadillo” Red Velvet Cake with Cream Cheese frosting (six layers ya’ll---my kitchen looked like a cocaine drug bust/murder scene when I got done with that).

We had good food, good company and good times. And Rob’s present? (Besides the party…of course!) The only thing he asked for: Glen Beck’s Common Sense.

The party was a blast and what better excuse than his birthday for me to remind him that he is the best! I love you Rob. Happy Birth-month.

Mid-Year Resolutions?

2009-07-21T15:24:00.000-07:00

I LOVE New Years! To me it is a time for “do-overs”. If you have not met your goals from the previous year you can start fresh and set new ones and then try better in the New Year. I ALWAYS set Resolutions on New Years Eve. I always write up a list and usually I am pretty good at following them for several months into the New Year before I start to slack off a bit.

Sadly: This year on New Years day I was really distracted by less worthwhile things and I didn’t set a single goal. So instead of starting off running and then slowing down I have just dragged myself along for the past few months. Add to that the fact that we have experienced some trials and set backs this year and suddenly I found myself having fleeting moments of happiness but lacking the Joy that is normally so much a part of my life.

The Stewart family motto; the thing we say when someone walks out the door is: “Remember who you are!” I kind of forgot who I was for a little bit. I allowed the perceptions of other people to define me and I lost my own perspective for a while.

With a little effort and a lot of prayer I am regaining that perspective. So, is it too late for Resolutions? How about Mid-Year Resolutions instead? So what if my “do-overs” are a few months late right? Better late than never?

Well one of my Resolutions is to reconcile any offense I have caused to anyone else while I was muddling through my self destructive period…and I am sure there are many of you. So if you are reading this and thinking that you fit into that category please know that I am sorry for my self absorption. I am sorry if I neglected a friendship or if I was less than giving. I am sorry if I slacked in my church calling. I am sorry if I was curt or judgmental. I am sorry if you are family and you felt like I put you on a back burner for someone else. I am sorry if I was “just not myself” and that I had the gall to argue with some of you who pointed that out to me.

A really good friend of mine had the courage to sit down with me and point out that it was evident to everyone who knows me well that I was throwing myself whole heartedly in the wrong direction but that she could see that I was coming back. Then she said, “From those of us who have kinda been waiting in the wings welcome back. We’ve missed you.” Thanks for that…feels good to have been missed.

Harry's Story...

2009-07-21T14:41:00.000-07:00

I am not even going to attempt to catch up on all of the events of the last six months (and there have been some doozies!) but there are some things that have happened that are pretty major and the first of these (and the most important) was Harry’s story.

My sister Shannan was expecting a baby boy due May 7th. During the early morning hours of April 19th her water broke and she experienced a cord prolapse. Baby Harry was born oxygen deprived and struggling for life and was flown by air evac to Phoenix Children’s Hospital. Shannan was still in the hospital at MVMC willing herself to recover as quickly as possible so that she could be with her baby. Since Monti was at PCH with Harry, I was able to stay over night with Shannan at MVMC. She was released the morning after her surgery and she literally fled to Harry’s side.

Meanwhile, Monti was with Harry standing by his little bedside talking to him and comforting him and praying for him hour after hour. In the interim whenever Monti needed to rest there was a family member there to spell him and spend some time with Harry. Rob was able to take a shift with him during that first night so that Monti could get a little sleep. He says those hours are some of the most precious of his life.

After 5 days and numerous tests which finally indicated that Harry would not be staying with us for long, the doctors made the decision that it would be best to turn down the ventilator and see how Harry reacted. There was really no reaction. It was evident that his little body was just not going to be big enough to hold his amazing and brilliant spirit.

The morning of April 24th the plan was to remove the breathing tube and to let Harry rest from this work he’d been doing. The tube was removed at 1:45 p.m. Shannan and Monti were able to hold him without all of the apparatus and to sit as a family and just love and comfort each other. Some of us were privileged to be in that room as the veil was parted and Harry seemed to linger somewhere between here and eternity for about five hours. Those hours felt like minutes to us they passed so quickly. In short time Harry’s struggling breaths slowed and his body seemed to be even more cuddled into his mother as he truly began to leave it behind. He returned to Heavenly Father at about 5:30 p.m. on April 24th.

Harry is an extraordinary spirit who was born to extraordinary people. I believe he was so good and so valiant that he did not need to be tested in this life. He needed a body and because of the extraordinary efforts that his mommy and daddy made to provide one he was able to obtain one and to fulfill his brief mission here.

Harry was surrounded from the start by his eternal family and so much love abounded in that little room. Nurses and other people mentioned on more than one occasion how amazing it was that this little boy had so many people who loved him enough to stop their lives and stay there with him and his mommy and daddy. For those who were there it did not seem extraordinary to do so---it seemed natural because that is what a family does and yet as it was pointed out again and again it did draw our attention to the fact that we are so very blessed to have that love and support and to realize how precious that closeness is.

Harry gave us that gift. He reminded us what is essential. He reminded us what is most precious to us above anything else. We were so blessed to have him with us for 6 days and we love him and will miss him.

Vicki and I made this little movie of his life as a memory for Monti and Shannan (There is music to this movie. You will need to scroll down to my playlist and pause it or there will be overlapping music.:

I'm back...

2009-07-18T12:53:00.001-07:00

Well…it’s only been six months since I blogged so what is all the complaining about people?

Do you ever feel like life is a train and you are just a passenger and it is taking you somewhere you just don’t want to go? So you sit there complaining about it into an empty passenger car when suddenly you realize that no one can hear you and that if you would get up and walk to the engine car that there is an engineer in there and you can ask to be taken somewhere else.

Then you realize that this will take effort and you are so sad about where you are going that you aren’t sure you want to walk all the way up there and you worry that if you do that it is possible that the engineer may not even hear you over the roar of the train. So you sit there longer and pretty soon you start thinking that even if you can be heard it might be too late because by now you must already be at the wrong destination.

So here is the thing I’ve figured out: 1) It’s never too late. 2) The engineer has nothing better to do than to help you get to the right destination. 3) He can hear you all the time…even if you are in the passenger car and even over the roar of the train. 4) Even if you arrive at the wrong destination He is willing to turn it around and take you back…and He does. All you have to do is ask.

Six months isn’t really THAT long to be on the wrong track…but I am back in town folks.

SURPRISE!

2008-12-22T14:46:00.000-08:00

A couple of years ago Rob and I went to a surprise birthday party for friend of ours and as we all sat waiting for her to walk through the door I said to him, "If you ever did this to me I'd kill you." Apparently that is a conversation that should be had yearly just to hit home the point.

So this year Rob says, "I've made arrangements for the kids with your mom and I'm taking you out on Fri. the 12th." He told me he was going to take me to Red Lobster and that I should get dressed up because we were going to paint the town red.

Fri. the 12th rolls around and he tells me that my mom needs us to drop off coats for the kids on our way out so that she can take them to see the Christmas lights. So I scurry around getting coats together and we stop by my mom and dad's to drop them off. I walk in and to my surprise I see my sister Tawnya and my brother Eric and his wife Emily and I start thinking..."You jerks, you totally planned a family outing to see the lights on the one night that I am busy..." Then I see my friend Courtney and..."SURPRISE!"

Pretty sure I punched Rob in the arm about then. I definitely said, "SHUT-UP!"

As painful as all of that was; all told it was a really fun night and even though he will NEVER DO THAT AGAIN I love him for putting all the work into pulling that off for me. I really don't deserve him. (Okay, let's face it...I totally do but...)

2008-12-22T14:45:00.001-08:00

Happy Birthday to Da Boys!

2008-12-16T17:59:00.001-08:00

December is a month of total insanity in our house. On top of the average Christmas festivities (which are actually kind of above average since I am a Christmas freak and insist on keeping up a ridiculous amount of Christmas traditions) we also celebrate Nate’s birthday (Dec. 3rd), Caleb’s birthday (Dec. 30th), my birthday (Dec. 11th) and mine and Rob’s anniversary (Dec. 28th). As if that isn’t enough my sister, both of my grandmas and two of my nieces also have Dec. birthdays.

With all of this going on we try to combine Caleb and Nate’s birthdays whenever possible. So, this year we celebrated them on Dec. 6th. The boys decided they wanted a “Detective” birthday party. Hmmm??? Guess I had to really put my brain into that one but we ended up making it a murder mystery. Each of the guests was a different famous detective. Caleb chose Sean Spencer since he LOVES the USA show “Psyche”. Nate chose “Adrian Monk”. The rest of the guests were various famous tv detectives, James Rockford, Thomas Magnum, AJ and Rick Simon…etc.

The mystery involved threats, blackmail, unrequited love, and intrigue. The boys had a blast figuring out who killed Wendell Shackelman and stuffed his body into the garbage can.

All told it was a fun day and my babies are now 7 and 9! Can you believe that? Happy Birthday Caleb and Nate!

Who killed Wendell Shackelman

2008-12-16T17:56:00.001-08:00

The Polar Express

2008-12-09T20:04:00.000-08:00

Last month Shannan and Monti surprised us with an early Christmas present...tickets to the Polar Express...so last weekend we drove to Williams (Grand Canyon Railroad) and hopped aboard the train to the North Pole.

On the ride there we were served hot cocoa and cookies while we listened to a reading of The Polar Express. Then we arrived at the North Pole and looked out the windows to see Santa standing there by a big Christmas tree. Minutes later we were surprised when he came into our train car and gave each child a jingle bell.

We had a really good time and it was a great way to start off the holidays. Thanks for an awesome time Aunt Shanny and Uncle Monti!

The Polar Express

2008-12-09T20:00:00.001-08:00

Awesome birth...

2008-11-26T14:03:00.001-08:00

Here are a few pictures from an awesome birth that I was able to attend yesterday. All of the births I attend are awesome but this one was extra special because of the circumstances surrounding it. A couple of years ago I was M’s doula for her first baby and sadly that labor ended in a Cesarean because they claimed that M’s pelvis was too small for her baby’s head. Imagine her frustration when her baby ended up only weighing 7 lbs. 8 oz.

This time around M was determined to have a VBAC (Since this is a family blog I’ll just say that means, V. Birth after Cesarean. Use your imagination.) so she hired a Nurse-Midwife and set about planning for it. Yesterday at 12:06 p.m. after two long days of laboring, she delivered a healthy baby boy who was 8 lbs. 3 oz! (11 oz. bigger than the baby that she was told she was too small to deliver last time.)

If you want to know this awesome birth story in it’s entirety read it on my Doula blog here.

It was a very sweet experience to be involved in and I am grateful to J and M for letting me bear witness to their miracle.

Yeah, I realize I look like crap in these pictures but hey, this is me after pulling an all nighter. However, in the last picture if you look close you will be able to make out the glow of euphoric bliss surrounding me. I could live off of this high for at least a week. "Hi, my name is Tracie. I'm a birth junkie."

Rantings…

2008-11-23T20:11:00.000-08:00

I was sitting in church last week and I confess my mind was wandering a bit as I looked around the room and found myself wondering how many people there are silently struggling financially as we are. I thought about it and it occurred to me that if someone said, “By show of hands, who here is either in foreclosure or really close to it?”, that probably more than ½ the room would raise their hand.

Then today at church I was talking to two other ladies about each of our situations one of them said, “I wish we all just had a stamp on our forehead so everybody knew we were all in the same place.” I loved that thought. Now of course I could keep my mouth shut about our situation and no one would be the wiser. It's not like I actually DO have a stamp on my forehead that would indicate that we are in trouble financially but feel like all this secrecy has made people feel isolated and embarrassed about things over which we have no control. So let me be the first to put a stamp on my forehead in hopes that it will help someone else know that they are not alone in this. Here’s the sitch:

A couple of years ago we were living the American dream. Rob had the best job he’s ever had working for Sallie Mae Home Loans. When they told him what his salary was going to be we thought we’d won the lottery. Then in Aug. of last year, when Sallie Mae merged with Quicken Loans they decided to lay off everyone in Rob’s division. With the housing market decline, jobs in the mortgage industry became scarce quickly so after a couple of months of looking for work Rob found a job in the insurance industry. He took about a $30,000.00 pay cut. OUCH! Not that we can complain because at least we HAVE a job.

So with that history in mind here we are today and there is good news and bad news. Bad news first; after many months of battling to keep our home we have finally realized it isn’t going to happen and it is currently up for short sale.

However, there is good news too and this is it: A house is just a thing. It is not a person or an event or an eternal principle. It’s just a place of protection from the elements…a roof over your head. There are other roofs out there and we will not be homeless.

As for credit---it’s not even a “thing”. I mean by definition it is a noun but it is immaterial. It only matters if you think it does and we don’t. There are far worse “things” that one can be diagnosed with than bad credit. Some people have to live with “things” like Non-Hodgkins lymphoma, or addictions, or loneliness, or lack of spiritual direction.

And so, the good news is this: We have a daddy who has labored tirelessly over the past year to save “the thing” and who continues to labor tirelessly. He leads our family and he serves God and others.

We have a mommy who loves our daddy and our little ones with a passion that can’t be rivaled and who is a mama bear in her defense of them against worldly influence.

We have four AMAZING spirits who have graced our home and who every single day fill us with such overwhelming gratitude and joy that it can’t be put into words.

We have a Savior, Jesus Christ who came to Earth to die for us and was then resurrected and He lives now and the reason that there is only one set of footprints in the sand at this time is because he’s been carrying us this last year when we thought we were too weak to continue on.

We have a sure knowledge of our Savior’s love for us and for His atonement and through that knowledge we are more able to see “the thing” as just that and to keep an eternal perspective that this too shall pass.

So with all of this good news it’s kind of hard to worry too much about the bad news. Not to say it’s been a breeze because there are up days and down days. Certainly it is stressful at times making decisions and wondering what the future holds in store, but those things are made easier knowing how much we are blessed. With Thanksgiving approaching just next week, it is with joy and peace that we are able to count our many blessings and say that all is well.

So that is the stamp on my forehead.

Proposition 102 Victory!

2008-11-05T16:50:00.000-08:00

Well it’s over and we won! After months of hard work by the Coalition and even as we worked up until the bitter end on Election Day we were able to say all the work was worthwhile as Arizona passed Proposition 102 to amend the Arizona Constitution to state that marriage is defined as a union between one man and one woman thereby protecting traditional marriage and families.

Tuesday I spent most of the day at our polling place promoting the cause and pretty much chatting it up with friends and neighbors who stopped by to vote. I was joined by my good friends Alecia Bingham and Misty Polanco (in the picture with me on the right holding her gorgeous baby Benji) who sat in on some long shifts to get the information out to people who were still confused by wording or undecided on the issue. I am happy to say we helped several people make up their mind and vote accordingly.

Election evening we were able to attend a Coalition Celebration Party for all volunteers who worked so hard work on the proposition. Midway through the evening we watched the sad announcement that Barack Obama had been elected president but within about five minutes they were able to call the results of the proposition and announced that we’d won which lightened the mood substantially. However, at the end of the evening as we sang, “God Bless America”, I couldn’t help but become emotional at the significance of the line, “Stand beside her and guide her through the night with a light from above”.

Rob and I with friends and fellow Coalition Committe members Brooke and Chad Cirks, Alecia and Seth Bingham

Caleb and Nate came with us to the Coalition party and are pictured here with their buddies Pierce and Magnum Cirks

Election Time

2008-11-05T16:47:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is the election, and as we gathered the kids together for Family Home Evening we had a reminder of what it is all really about. I was scurrying around getting things together to take the kids to grandma’s house for a sleepover so that I could leave at 5:30a.m. to be at the polling places as a Coalition representative. Since I’d been so tied up with all of that all day I confess I hadn’t given a thought as to what lesson we would have for FHE. Rob could see I was frazzled so he grabbed our handy little book “52 Weeks of Family Night” which has 5 minute lessons in it that you can do with little to no preparation. (BTW…highly recommend that book!)

As we settled the kids down Rob said, “Caleb, pick a number” Caleb picked Lesson #16 randomly and Rob began to read,

“When Captain Moroni, the leader of the Nephite armies, heard of Amalickiah’s plan to be king, he became angry. He knew that if Amalickiah became king, he would try to destroy the church of God and take away the people’s liberty.

Moroni tore his coat to make a flag. On it he wrote a message to remind people to defend their religion, their freedom and their peace. Moroni put the flag on a pole and called it the title of liberty. He told his people to think of their freedom and to think of their families. Then, dressed in his armor, he knelt to pray. He asked God to protect those who believed in Jesus Christ and prayed for freedom in the land, calling it a land of liberty.

Moroni went among the people. Waving the title of liberty, he called them to come and help protect their freedom. People came from all over the land. They promised to obey God’s commandments and to fight for freedom.”

Rob was a teary mess and barely able to finish with the lump in his throat. As he and I looked at each other with tears streaming down our faces, the kids wanted to know what on earth we were crying about. We explained the significance of what we’d just read and how it relates to us today. It was a good reminder to slow down and remember what it is that we are working toward.

Overheard:

2008-11-05T16:45:00.000-08:00

Caleb who had obviously been watching too much Fox News: “Well, if Barack Obama becomes president then other countries will see us as weak and then we’re gonna get bombed!”

Nate, “Mom, is it true that the arachnids are gonna bomb us again? (Iraqnids?)

Trick or Treat

2008-11-05T16:33:00.000-08:00

Well another Halloween has come and gone so naturally the kids are already discussing what they are going to be NEXT year! OY! This year was a lot of fun. The Monday before Halloween Nate came in and said, “Mom, Caleb says that we aren’t going to get to dress up this year because you haven’t gotten us costumes.” I told Nate to tell Caleb that for the past 8 years I’ve managed to pull off dressing him up even without his “help” and I’ll do it this year too. Caleb clearly can not understand that I work best under pressure which is just a nicer way of saying that I put everything off until the last minute. So, there I was making costumes on Thurs. afternoon but I did in fact manage to get it done.

In fact, as I was sewing I ran onto a bag of white terry cloth that I bought years ago for heaven knows what project I never completed but it worked out nicely as “fake fur” for my costume. It had occurred to me when I ran onto a caveman costume that I already had for Rob from a few years ago that maybe we could go as Fred and Wilma Flintstone. I have been saying for years that Rob has Fred Flintstone feet so this was a great opportunity to make the best of that. Heh Heh!
The boys went as Alvin and the Chipmunks which was completely typecasting only in our house Dave yells, “NAAATER!”, instead of Alvin. Of course Simon and Theodore were type cast as well, Caleb always being the “voice of reason” and Max being the chubby little brother who only gets in trouble because he is too little to know better.
Hayden who was undecided until a few days before Halloween ran onto Nate’s old skunk costume and surprised us all wanting to be that instead of some kind of frou frou princess as we would have expected. Those darn stinky boys are starting to rub off on her. Ah well, she was so adorable as a skunk it didn’t matter.
We all had a great time trick or treating and then having some friends over for chili and cornbread afterward. Hard to believe that we are into November now!

"Meet me at the fair"

2008-11-05T16:27:00.001-08:00

The Arizona State Fair started in early Oct. and on opening day admission was just $1, so being the cheap skates that we are we decided to take the kids. Let me tell you, there are some real winners at the fair on cheap day. (Like there are such a high quality people there on the other days!) But in spite of the riff raff we had a pretty good time. We met our good friends the Olsens there and enjoyed their company and a few free rides compliments of the Children’s reading program. It sure isn’t the State Fair that I grew up on in rural Oregon but in any case we had a good time.

Too Too busy!

2008-11-05T16:24:00.000-08:00

This month has dragged me along with Election stuff and misc other things so following this post you will see all of the stuff I got ready to post but didn't actually in Oct. So although it says posted in Nov. it's mostly Oct. stuff.

9/11

2008-09-17T21:00:00.000-07:00

I know this is a few days past but it's been a crazy week. On Sept. 11 I decided that for school we would watch a History Channel documentary on the attacks in order to give the boys some inkling of the enormity of the events. At first when I brought it up they both rolled their eyes and said, "We KNOW. We KNOW. You already told us about this in school." Well, they were right, I did. Last year! I was surprised they recollected anything about it at all but then they recited many of the details and were pretty accurate. So then I explained to them that we would learn about it again every year because it is important that we never forget the events of that day since it forever changed our country.

Reluctantly they sat down for the documentary and it wasn't on for a full minute before they were glued to it, totally compelled to watch the horror of it. I have mixed emotions about them viewing it. On the one hand it is scary and horrific but on the other hand there is so much to be learned from our past; even the atrocities of it. I have profound recollection of watching things about Pearl Harbor and the Holocaust as a child and I think it was a positive learning experience for me then so I figure the same goes for them now.

Even as I sat pondering all of this I got a glimpse of their depth of understanding and maturity about it. Moments after the second tower fell, the film makers interviewed onlookers and one man; clearly in agony over what he'd seen; bitterly said, "I think we should go over and kill them all. They do this to us, we need to annihilate them." I looked at the boys and both of their eyes were glistening. Nate said, "That is so wrong. Why would someone do that?" Caleb said, "That man is wrong though. Only God can judge those people." Nate said, "You're right."

Why isn't the world run by children?

Walking With Dinosaurs-Live

2008-09-17T18:51:00.001-07:00

A few months ago a friend of ours hooked us up with tickets to Walking With Dinosaurs Live. She was able to get us the group discount for the only "school group performance" so the tickets were a smokin' deal. Then the icing on the cake was that when she called to find out our seat assignment the coordinator told her that since the "good seats" hadn't sold out, they were allowed to open them up to us so we were able to get the $70 seats! They were literally front and center!!

The best part about it was the surprise since I didn't tell the kids where we were going or what we were doing until we walked into US Airways Arena. They totally flipped out. Even then they didn't understand the magnitude of what they were about to see until the first LIFE SIZED animatronic dinosaurs walked out on stage. (Look closely at the picture of the brachiosaurs and you will notice the paleontologist sitting on the rocks between their necks. That speck is a real person!) It was totally amazing and we will NEVER forget the day. I have to give a shout out to my friend Andrea Fisher for her thoughtful organization of the event. It was brilliant!

(The only negative: Now I just have to spend several weeks of homeschool deprogramming the kids of all the misinformation that the paleontologist was narrating throughout the performance. Ahhh...evolution...argh!)

I tried to upload our video of the mama T-Rex rescuing her baby but it wouldn't load so check out this little blurb from the producers if you are curious about the show.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPAfGZUnNBU

The Frog Prince

2008-09-17T16:15:00.001-07:00

Last year I found a large hole in my rose bed which I assumed the kids had dug out so after I got after them I filled it in. A couple of days later it was back so I started thinking it was erosion from one of the drippers and filled it in again. Every day I would notice it and fill it in and think...we have to do something about that dripper. Well one night I ran into a big toad on our patio and when we tried to catch him he hopped down into the hole. I had to laugh thinking about how many times I'd filled in his hole...poor guy kept having to dig out over and over again.

Anyway, shortly after that the kids dubbed our rose bed "The Frog Kingdom"---hence the Frog Prince figure that graces our front entry (Notice him in the background of the pics below)

Nate visits and catches Mr. Toad nearly every night and I am happy to say that he is the most maintenance free pet we have ever had. He is a hideous fellow but he's kind of grown on me and I am very careful when I pull into the driveway at night. (Okay, he is kind of cute.)

Cub Scouts service project...

2008-09-17T16:15:00.000-07:00

My boys had a requirement to sign off that involved neighborhood cleanup. I am so proud of the great job they did at this abandoned house on my street. I never thought I'd get this "into" cubscouts. I love these boys---they are so entusiastic and sweet. Here are a couple of pics of their good deed:

BEFORE:

AFTER:

Great news!

2008-09-05T23:44:00.000-07:00

My sister Shanny is expecting! For those of you who don’t know her sitch: It took her 7 years to get pregnant with her daughter Grace (who is now 19 mo. old) and they have been going through fertility treatments again now for the past few months so this is awesome news. I am totally stoked about sharing this pregnancy with her and living it vicariously through her. Plus it totally gives me a renewed hope that if they were able to get pregnant maybe we still have a chance. (I think I can…I think I can…)

I stand corrected...

2008-08-31T16:00:00.000-07:00

We were sitting in sacrament meeting today and Hayden pointed to the word on the songbook and asked me, "What does this say?" Me: "It says 'Hymns' " Hayden: After a thoughtful pause, "Don't you mean 'His' "

Occupational Hazard...

2008-08-30T19:23:00.000-07:00

I am acutely aware that my children have far more exposure to all things childbirth related than the average child, but apparently my work spills over into my home more than I had previously thought. Case in point: Today we were driving to the store and we saw the construction site of the new Banner Ironwood Medical Center going in just up the road from us. A discussion ensued with the kids about how nice it will be for us to have it there in case of an emergency. Hayden piped up from the back and said, “…and in case mom ever needs a c.section.” I just had to shake my head. I mean what other 5 year old girl do you know who has “c.section” in her vocabulary and knows what it means?

Storms

2008-08-29T15:58:00.000-07:00

A note to anyone NOT a Stewart: Being born and partly raised in Oregon I naturally have webbed feet so when the rainy weather starts I take to it like a duck to... Okay so maybe I'm pushing that analogy a bit far but the point is I love the rain and the lightning and the thunder even when it scares me and I jump and scream (the kids love that~!).

A note to Stewarts: Remember when we lived on 8th St. and we used to turn off all the lights during storms and pull open the blinds in the front room and camp out to watch the storm? ~~sigh~~~ Awesome memories! Last night when the storm was going on I was getting the kids to bed but couldn't resist letting them stay up late and sit with me in the dark in the front room watching the storm. I hope someday they'll say, "Remember when we used to sit in the front room..."

Anyway...I got this cool picture of some lightning and while it isn't a technically good shot (how good could it be with my little point and shoot digital---hint hint Rob---I really NEED that Nikon SLR) I should get brownie points for actually catching a bolt. (Bragging now...I actually caught three but I figured posting them all would get redundant.)

Toothless

2008-08-29T15:53:00.000-07:00

Nate is almost "theven" (7) so he has started on the road to toothlessness. Last night he lost a front upper tooth. He is so happy about it, as am I because I am not sure I would have been able to handle one more day of endless whining: "WHEN will it fall OUT?" I finally asked him, "What is the big freakin' deal about having a loose tooth? Does it hurt? What?" His reply, "I can't eat apples or chicken legs!" Well you can't argue with that logic. Whining aside, he is adorable so check him out with his new gorgeous gap:

Funny and or cute things the kids have said lately:

2008-08-28T19:40:00.000-07:00

Max: Cuddling up to me and cupping my face in both of his little chubby hands he says, “You are my best little mommy!” ~~sigh~~

Max---Watching the Disney Channel Games, “Mom, the Jonas Brothers are the dream team!”

Hayden: I was getting ready to go out with Rob and just finished my makeup and hair but was still wearing sweats and a t-shirt. “Um….I think you’d better change your clothes before your date.” I teased, “Nope. I’m just going to wear this.” Hayden with arched eyebrow, “K…first of all…the sweats…not so much! Second of all…the t-shirt…not so much either!”

Caleb recently had a conversation with Beth where she told him that next time we go to Disneyland she is coming with us again. The same week he just finished his last requirement for his Wolf badge and then I was called to scouts. “My life couldn’t get any better. I am getting my Wolf badge, my mom is going to be my scout leader and my Auntie Beth is going with us to Disneyland.” Just then I pulled a bag of salt and vinegar chips out of the grocery bag. “I guess I was wrong…it just got better!” Some people are just easily pleased.

Nate: "Mom is asinine a bad word?" Me: "No. It means stupid or ridiculous." Later that day we found out that our Mesa Public Library cards are invalid because we are no longer Maricopa County residents. Nate: "That is totally asinine!" He now looks for excuses to use that word and I can guarantee that he does it just because it sounds like another bad word he isn't allowed to say. Ugh! That boy!

On the other hand he also asks me questions like: "So mom, if God created us then who created God?" and "Where does wind come from?" Oy!

Congratulations to Caleb...

2008-08-28T19:34:00.000-07:00

...on recieving his Wolf Badge at Pack night. He also recieved a gold arrow point and five silver arrow points.

So here’s what happened...

2008-08-27T11:34:00.000-07:00

A couple of months ago Caleb was going to go to Cub Scout Day camp for three days and I casually mentioned to the den leader, “Hey if you guys need a hand with anything let me know.” I don’t really know what I was thinking but it was along the lines of baking or filling water bottles or who knows…certainly not what happened next. Next thing I knew it was 6:30 the next morning and I was driving a 15 passenger van with 11 boys aboard to day camp. Can you see the word sucker written across my forehead?

Two things: First: I have an enormous aversion to the heat and it was 111 degrees that day. Second: I know some of you consider me high maintenance and I don't know if I could argue about that. Well, all of the boys had spray bottles and were given carte blanche to spray anyone they wanted including leaders. (Let’s just say that with a stern look I told them that most certainly DID NOT apply to me and my head stayed dry all day.)

At the end of the VERY LONG day (We got home after 10pm) I had to admit it was actually kind of fun. I totally LOVE boys (Always have…with the exception of Beth most of my best friends were boys growing up.) and Caleb and I had fun hanging out together all day so all in all I really kind of enjoyed it.

So moving to more recent events, when we found out that our ward’s Bears Den leader was moving Rob gave me that look he gets and said, “Dude! I hope you like scouts because you know what’s coming don’t you?” A little slow on the uptake it hadn’t occurred to me yet, so I said, “First off…I’m not a dude. Second…what are you talking about?”

Well he was right and I did get called to Cub Scouts as the Bears Den Leader and yes I am happy about the calling. Like I said, I do love boys and if I am helping Caleb along with his requirements I might as well be helping a group of them.

I confess I do have one trepidation: the dreaded scout shirt. Ugh. The colors, the shape, (or lack thereof), the fabric. Clearly it is a garment designed BY men FOR men…and I don’t mean those “men” on Project Runway! Let’s face it people if Heidi Klum herself wore a scout shirt, even she could not make that thing look good. And so it is with bitter surrender that I don the scout shirt and join the ranks of dorky den leaders everywhere. My new mantra: “It’s only your vanity Tracie.” (Kill me now.)

Caleb wanted a few pictures of him and I looking super hot in our scout uniforms---Nate took these pictures.

This pose was Caleb's idea...scout salute and all...he cracks me up!

Rob's 35th birthweek!

2008-08-11T14:40:00.000-07:00

You know how most people have a birthday? Well every year I tease Rob that he always ends up dragging out the celebrating until he ends up with a birthweek and this year is no different. Why break tradition right? So in honor of his 35th birthweek, this whole post will be dedicated to my big cookie; the love of my life; the father of my children (most of them anyway); the man who makes me laugh; washes dishes AND does laundry; the man who STILL tells me I am the most beautiful woman in the world EVEN when I have just rolled out of bed and SEEN the horror in the bathroom mirror.

The fact that he believes that is further proof of one of Rob’s best qualities: his fundamental belief that there is something beautiful that can be found in every aspect of life and in every stage of it. As I type this I betray his identity because he loves to portray himself as a cynic but underneath it all he is actually a romantic. His perpetual pessimism (yes Heidi; I still call him Eeyore) is merely a façade for his TRULY optimistic nature. (Who else but a true optimist could continue to believe season after season that THIS is the year the Cubs will take the series?!)

And so…without further ado; here are some highlights of the birthweek:

Friday the 8th (Rob’s actual birthday) we went out for wings at Native New Yorker with a few friends.

In this picture starting at left foreground: Beth Jarman (my BFF; Rob’s hairdresser; our kids’ future stepmother), behind Beth are Ryan and Rachel Olsen (Best neighbors EVER and two of our closest friends) across from them: Donna Lyons (Rob’s former co-worker and lifelong gal pal) and John Gay (Rob’s stalker). In the middle is the man himself: Rob. Next to him are Shannan and Monti Randall (a couple who were panhandling in the parking lot---we don’t believe in giving out cash because they would probably just buy drugs or alcohol with it.)

“Cheers!” This is a classic Rob dorky face! Isn’t he adorable? (BTW; That is Donna’s Corona in the foreground; not Rob's! He's drinking the Shirley Temple.)

More good times…Beth you are looking a little scared.

Saturday morning Rob had some “Dad time” with the kids in the pool. I wasn’t exactly strictly forbidden from coming but it was made clear to me by the kids that they were swimming with DAD! It was a big sacrifice for me but I stayed inside and spent some quality time of my own with the Sept. issue of Architectural Digest. It was rough but I managed. (Happy Birthday Tracie!)

Saturday afternoon we dropped the kids off at Grandma’s and picked up Rob’s birthday present from Mom and Dad Stewart---two tickets to the D.Backs game---and headed out to Chase Field.

Aside from the obvious fact that this game was the day after Rob’s birthday, the main reason for getting tickets to this particular game was for the fan giveaway. Our friend Jim Hamilton won the Fan Designed T-Shirt Contest sponsored by the Diamondbacks. This meant that his design was given out to the first 25,000 fans!
Here we got Jim to autograph his design for us. Rob assured him it would be on ebay by morning and that he'd give him a good deal if he wants it back.

Sunday evening we had dinner at Mom and Dad Stewart’s house with all of Rob’s favorites on the menu, followed by cake, candles and the song. This pretty much wrapped up the birthweek.

What is different about Rob in the last two pictures? He is clean shaven and there is a reason for that. Sunday morning he was called to be 2nd counselor in the Elder's Quorum* Presidency. So how is that for rounding out the birthweek?

*From wikipedia: An Elders Quorum is a local quorum organized in each ward, but presided over by a president with priesthood keys, who acts under the direction and authority of the local stake presidency, and under the direction of the presiding High Priest in the ward who is typically a Bishop. Each quorum consists of up to ninety-six Elders.

Check out the big kid!

2008-08-11T14:37:00.000-07:00

Guess what Max is wearing now! Yes, he is officially potty trained! (Can you hear the heavenly chorus and see the beam of light shining down on me?) Okay! Sorry if I am a bit enthusiastic but after eight straight years of diaper changing (at times with up to 3 kids in diapers) I am a little due for a break.

Filthy

2008-08-11T14:24:00.000-07:00

Rob took the boys on the Father's and Son's Outing and this was what Nate looked liked within a very short period of time! Conversely; about the same time this picture was taken Caleb was asking for yet another wet wipe so he could "clean his shoes"...thank you Mr. Monk.

...and this is what the tub looked like after he bathed! And yes, I had JUST scrubbed it that morning---Murphy's Law!

Where did you get that name?

2008-08-01T15:26:00.001-07:00

I love hearing the origin of people's names so I just thought I'd share how we came up with our kid's names...we are often asked anyway so:

Caleb Ethan---Caleb comes from the Bible. Caleb and Joshua were righteous men that were obedient and kept their word to Moses. Plus we liked how it sounded. Ethan (kind of embarassing) comes from the John Wayne character Ethan Edwards in the movie "The Searchers".

Nathaniel Ryan---Nathaniel comes from the Bible also. He was one of the twelve apostles (also known as Bartholomew). It also comes from one of my ancestors Nathaniel Marble who was friends with Joseph Smith and the Smith family. Three of his eleven children were named in honor of Joseph, Hyrum and Emma. Ryan is my brother Eric's middle name.

Hayden Elisabeth---Hayden was a name I have wanted and planned to use for my first daughter since I was in my teens. I don't know why, I just love it. Elisabeth is after my BFF Beth Jarman because I love her so much I thought there should be a carbon. Rob begged for the "s" spelling for it's biblical significance since he and I both have deep admiration for John the baptist's mother. Having experienced years of infertility myself I feel a kinship to her long suffering faith.

Maxwell Hyrum---One of Rob's dearest friends and former companions from his mission to Atlanta, GA is Max H. Molgard. His middle name is "H." only. Rob used to tease him he would name his son after him..."H". Ironically the both of us have a deep love for Elder Neal A. Maxwell and Rob has a special place in his heart for Hyrum Smith. If you put them together it's pretty darn close to Max H. So all in all he is named after 3 stalwart men.

Kids say the darndest things...

2008-07-08T15:47:00.000-07:00

This is going to hopefully be a new feature of the blog. Stuff my kids say that crack me up:

Hayden: "Guys...pick a number between 6 and 7." (HA!)
Caleb: "Did that girl take stupid pills this morning?" (Double HA!)

Hayden: "I can spell Max and DVD...Max is spelled M-A-X and DVD is spelled D-V-D."

Okay...so Hayden was on a roll this week and church this week was particularly eventful with our kids so here's a couple of highlights... During church Hayden is drawing a picture and the speaker says, "I know the church is true..." Hayden rolls her eyes and whispers to me, "OF COURSE it's true! What do you think we are doing here?"

Most of you know that our kids (and we) have been praying for another baby for some time now, so during this same meeting after the 4th baby blessing ended Hayden says---not so quietly, "Why do all of these people get a baby and we don't?" (Again... rolling her eyes for emphasis.)

Same meeting: Rob is on the stand to bless the sacrament so I am juggling all four kids and trying to maintain some dignity. Max is being a turkey, crawling on the floor under the bench giggling being hyper and silly so finally after struggling to get a good hold on him to pull him up to the bench I gave him a little discreet pinch on his love handle...not so discreet when he starts crying loudly and saying, "YOU PINCHED ME!! YOU PINCHED ME!! YOU PINCHED ME!!" Nice!

Ta da! The new blog.

2008-05-05T14:42:00.000-07:00

So this is the new blog. I am no journalist so this is pretty much a place for us to post pictures because emailing them is such a pain. I will occasionally email a “check the blog update” so watch for those but that is about all you can expect from this blog. As if our lives aren’t chaotic enough, I don’t need to assign myself another task or I’ll have to give up something else and kids have a funny way of getting mad when you don’t feed them!

Who knows. Maybe this will become my vent forum but then no one will want to look at it for fear of what I might be ranting about…we’ll see?? Let’s just attach this disclaimer: Check this blog at your own risk. Now we’re covered.