"Let it Be Me..."

This is just a shameless brag about the man I love and how good he is to me:

Rob has an MLB application on his ipod that he likes to look at when he’s trying to fall asleep at night. So the other night I was snuggled into the crook of his arm watching the plays of the day with him when he suddenly clicks it over to his music, hands me an ear phone and says, “Let’s listen to some music together…”

He said it so casually and seemingly spontaneously that I had no idea he’d been planning it for days just waiting for the opportune moment. I popped in the ear phone and next thing I know he’s playing a playlist for me made up of songs all dedicated…to me.

So as I lay there, (tears streaming down) I was thinking to myself: “After 18 years together how does he manage to still surprise me?” When I say surprise I am not referring to the unexpected gift of the playlist---which was a lovely surprise---but rather the fact that he is able to continue to make me fall more in love with him in spite of the years that have passed and everything that we have been through in those years.

Surely there is a statute of limitations on wooing but if there is, no one has informed Rob of it. I don’t know how he has been able to put up with me knowing all of my faults and loving me in spite of them. He is too good to me. I don’t deserve him.

This year to celebrate Rob’s birthday the theme was his “favorite things”. I threw him a party and started by inviting all his favorite people. Then we served a few of his favorite foods: Homemade hot wings, jalepeno poppers, chips and homemade salsa and Touchdown Taco dip. And of course his favorite things would be incomplete without Dr. Pepper (Compliments of Joe and Misty---thanks guys!) and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups (compliments of Eric and Emily---thanks guys!)

Lastly we served up some “Bleeding Armadillo” Red Velvet Cake with Cream Cheese frosting (six layers ya’ll---my kitchen looked like a cocaine drug bust/murder scene when I got done with that).

We had good food, good company and good times. And Rob’s present? (Besides the party…of course!) The only thing he asked for: Glen Beck’s Common Sense.

The party was a blast and what better excuse than his birthday for me to remind him that he is the best! I love you Rob. Happy Birth-month.

Mid-Year Resolutions?

I LOVE New Years! To me it is a time for “do-overs”. If you have not met your goals from the previous year you can start fresh and set new ones and then try better in the New Year. I ALWAYS set Resolutions on New Years Eve. I always write up a list and usually I am pretty good at following them for several months into the New Year before I start to slack off a bit.

Sadly: This year on New Years day I was really distracted by less worthwhile things and I didn’t set a single goal. So instead of starting off running and then slowing down I have just dragged myself along for the past few months. Add to that the fact that we have experienced some trials and set backs this year and suddenly I found myself having fleeting moments of happiness but lacking the Joy that is normally so much a part of my life.

The Stewart family motto; the thing we say when someone walks out the door is: “Remember who you are!” I kind of forgot who I was for a little bit. I allowed the perceptions of other people to define me and I lost my own perspective for a while.

With a little effort and a lot of prayer I am regaining that perspective. So, is it too late for Resolutions? How about Mid-Year Resolutions instead? So what if my “do-overs” are a few months late right? Better late than never?

Well one of my Resolutions is to reconcile any offense I have caused to anyone else while I was muddling through my self destructive period…and I am sure there are many of you. So if you are reading this and thinking that you fit into that category please know that I am sorry for my self absorption. I am sorry if I neglected a friendship or if I was less than giving. I am sorry if I slacked in my church calling. I am sorry if I was curt or judgmental. I am sorry if you are family and you felt like I put you on a back burner for someone else. I am sorry if I was “just not myself” and that I had the gall to argue with some of you who pointed that out to me.

A really good friend of mine had the courage to sit down with me and point out that it was evident to everyone who knows me well that I was throwing myself whole heartedly in the wrong direction but that she could see that I was coming back. Then she said, “From those of us who have kinda been waiting in the wings welcome back. We’ve missed you.” Thanks for that…feels good to have been missed.

Harry's Story...

I am not even going to attempt to catch up on all of the events of the last six months (and there have been some doozies!) but there are some things that have happened that are pretty major and the first of these (and the most important) was Harry’s story.

My sister Shannan was expecting a baby boy due May 7th. During the early morning hours of April 19th her water broke and she experienced a cord prolapse. Baby Harry was born oxygen deprived and struggling for life and was flown by air evac to Phoenix Children’s Hospital. Shannan was still in the hospital at MVMC willing herself to recover as quickly as possible so that she could be with her baby. Since Monti was at PCH with Harry, I was able to stay over night with Shannan at MVMC. She was released the morning after her surgery and she literally fled to Harry’s side.

Meanwhile, Monti was with Harry standing by his little bedside talking to him and comforting him and praying for him hour after hour. In the interim whenever Monti needed to rest there was a family member there to spell him and spend some time with Harry. Rob was able to take a shift with him during that first night so that Monti could get a little sleep. He says those hours are some of the most precious of his life.

After 5 days and numerous tests which finally indicated that Harry would not be staying with us for long, the doctors made the decision that it would be best to turn down the ventilator and see how Harry reacted. There was really no reaction. It was evident that his little body was just not going to be big enough to hold his amazing and brilliant spirit.

The morning of April 24th the plan was to remove the breathing tube and to let Harry rest from this work he’d been doing. The tube was removed at 1:45 p.m. Shannan and Monti were able to hold him without all of the apparatus and to sit as a family and just love and comfort each other. Some of us were privileged to be in that room as the veil was parted and Harry seemed to linger somewhere between here and eternity for about five hours. Those hours felt like minutes to us they passed so quickly. In short time Harry’s struggling breaths slowed and his body seemed to be even more cuddled into his mother as he truly began to leave it behind. He returned to Heavenly Father at about 5:30 p.m. on April 24th.

Harry is an extraordinary spirit who was born to extraordinary people. I believe he was so good and so valiant that he did not need to be tested in this life. He needed a body and because of the extraordinary efforts that his mommy and daddy made to provide one he was able to obtain one and to fulfill his brief mission here.

Harry was surrounded from the start by his eternal family and so much love abounded in that little room. Nurses and other people mentioned on more than one occasion how amazing it was that this little boy had so many people who loved him enough to stop their lives and stay there with him and his mommy and daddy. For those who were there it did not seem extraordinary to do so---it seemed natural because that is what a family does and yet as it was pointed out again and again it did draw our attention to the fact that we are so very blessed to have that love and support and to realize how precious that closeness is.

Harry gave us that gift. He reminded us what is essential. He reminded us what is most precious to us above anything else. We were so blessed to have him with us for 6 days and we love him and will miss him.

Vicki and I made this little movie of his life as a memory for Monti and Shannan (There is music to this movie. You will need to scroll down to my playlist and pause it or there will be overlapping music.:

I'm back...

Well…it’s only been six months since I blogged so what is all the complaining about people?

Do you ever feel like life is a train and you are just a passenger and it is taking you somewhere you just don’t want to go? So you sit there complaining about it into an empty passenger car when suddenly you realize that no one can hear you and that if you would get up and walk to the engine car that there is an engineer in there and you can ask to be taken somewhere else.

Then you realize that this will take effort and you are so sad about where you are going that you aren’t sure you want to walk all the way up there and you worry that if you do that it is possible that the engineer may not even hear you over the roar of the train. So you sit there longer and pretty soon you start thinking that even if you can be heard it might be too late because by now you must already be at the wrong destination.

So here is the thing I’ve figured out: 1) It’s never too late. 2) The engineer has nothing better to do than to help you get to the right destination. 3) He can hear you all the time…even if you are in the passenger car and even over the roar of the train. 4) Even if you arrive at the wrong destination He is willing to turn it around and take you back…and He does. All you have to do is ask.

Six months isn’t really THAT long to be on the wrong track…but I am back in town folks.