Somewhere UNDER the pedestal...

This is my blog. Some blogs are a political forum. Some blogs are religious standards. Some blogs are just for fun. I keep a blog so that I can write about the current events of our lives. I am generally a happy and upbeat person so I generally write happy and upbeat posts. A few months ago when things were not great I didn’t write about much because I wanted to keep the blog happy and upbeat but then I just didn’t blog. Today when something happened that is really eating at me I decided: You know what? It’s my dadgum blog and not everything that happens in my life is happy or upbeat so if I want to vent on my blog I’m going to! So now you have been warned so if you don’t like it stop reading now.

So here is what happened: One of my children came in to me today and tell me that the child of one of our friends said to my children that they shouldn’t talk to her or her brothers anymore because it will make their “mommy mad” because---and I quote; “You guys say bad words and do naughty things.”

You know that sinking feeling in your gut…the one that makes your throat close up a little and your eyes to well with tears…the one that makes you think, “Can I rewind the last 10 seconds of my life and have it not happen? Yeah…I had that feeling.

Not sure that there was full understanding on the part of my child and hoping that he had misunderstood, I called Caleb in (being that he is 10 years old and smart and truthful) and asked him---independent of the other child, “What happened this morning? There was a conversation about you guys playing with friends and it went how?” He repeated it verbatim only with a little more hurt and insult in his voice since he is also sensitive and kind and couldn’t quite understand the reason behind the venom with which this particular personal attack came from this other child.

Well I wasn’t sure what to say to him because I’m afraid that I don’t quite get it either. I can only say that not all naughty talk is potty talk. Some naughty talk is gossip and malice toward others. Some naughty talk is putting other people down to make yourself (or your children) seem taller. Some naughty behavior is about judging others and treating them like they are beneath you in some way.

Incidentally; it should be noted; in case you are unfamiliar with my children and their widely known reputation for being good kids---they are in fact---good kids. The only kind of “bad words” that I know for a fact have been said in front of these friends are; GASP!~ “stupid”, “dummy”, perhaps “idiot”…not F-Bombs, not profanity, not even potty words per se.

The words which have been said on occasion are typical “kid” words which we actually do not permit in our house but which now and then slip into bickering and kid behavior. I do not approve of them yet neither do I think that my children are on a highway to Hell because of the occasional use of them. (P.S. It’s okay that I said “Hell” there because it is a reference to a place in this scenario but if you feel more comfortable about it just try to pretend that the Ls in that word are hockey sticks.)

So my children are not perfect. They are kids. They are not finished being molded or raised and we certainly have a long road ahead of us. But they are GOOD kids and I am happy to say that they are neither arrogant nor self righteous. They pretty much look on everyone as equals. They are about as non-judgmental as kids come. We have worked hard to teach them that every person deserves love, respect and the “benefit of the doubt” regardless of their looks, their background, their religious beliefs…the list goes on.

Just because someone is different than you doesn’t make them less than you.

The top of a pedestal can be a very lonely place.

I think I’ll hang out with the other sinners beneath it. Christ did. He mingled with sinners and lived among them and yet in His perfection He did not shun those who were not perfect, he embraced them.

Rob and I are comfortable with the notion that if; after we raise our children; they manage to grow into kind, loving, compassionate, charitable, Christ-like adults who occasionally say “darn” or “heck” we will still consider it a job done well. If on the other hand, they never say a single bad word but they are holier than thou and hypocritical then I think that would be the biggest heart break of all.

The good news is that I think we might be headed in the right direction. While I sat shaking my head about this situation and now blogging about it (clearly I am not totally over it); my children came to a wiser and more charitable consensus on how to handle the situation. They talked it over and what they said to me is this:

“It doesn’t matter what they think because it’s not true. Besides even if it was true, Heavenly Father loves us all no matter what." Then they told me that they will still love these friends even though they had said naughty things to them because: "...that is what Heavenly Father would want us to do."

Maybe it is me who will learn from them.