Piper Katherine Halliday

Piper's Birth Story

In the early morning hours of July 21st 2010 we welcomed Piper Katherine Halliday into the world. This is her birth story:

Tues July 20 was a bit of a crazy day. Hayden and I ran errands all day long including a prenatal appt. with the midwife which went well and gave me no reason to think I'd be in labor within 24 hours.

After running my errands Rob was already home by then and I needed to be at a activity for the young women of my church so I hurried in changed my clothes and left. The activity went fine with again, no indication that I'd be in labor soon. I even mentioned to the girls that I felt really well even though I was only a week away from having my baby.

I hadn't had a chance to eat dinner before leaving so after the activity I went with my friends Alan and Jenny to grab a bite to eat at Filiberto's Mexican Food. I joked with them that I had a chili relleno the day I went into labor with Hayden and that the capsaicin in it would probably put me into labor if I ordered that. Jenny ended up ordering one and cut off a piece for me. We were joking about the possibility but it didn't occur to me that it would actually happen.

I got home finally about 10:30 and started straightening up the house a bit before bed; as was my nightly routine; "just in case". Then I looked in the mirror and decided I wanted to wash my hair "just in case" as well. Hayden asked me why I was blowdrying it and curling it if I was going to bed. I told her that if I didn't have a base hairdo then it would be a nightmare when I got up in the morning. (Retrospectively I am so glad I did it!)

The whole time I was cleaning and primping I was having the occasional contraction but it didn't really phase me since I have been having them most of the pregnancy. More than one occasion I have had to stop everything I was doing to muddle through one. I've even had to pull over while driving a couple of times. I just figured they were Braxton Hicks and that they were par for the course.

I also noticed that increased activity brought them on and that when I would go to bed they would go away so I remember saying to myself, "You need to get to bed so these stupid things will stop." If I'd had any notion they were productive I wouldn't have thought that but I figured they were just annoying non-productive ones.

I was so tired by the time I fell into bed around 1:00am that I was asleep in minutes. I have a vague recollection of having contractions while sleeping but they weren't waking me until one hit around 2:00am that took my breath away. I woke up and kind of groaned and reached for Rob's arm saying, "Oh...Honey...I need some help with this one!" Rob stirred and gripped my hand and said, "You okay?" By then I was more awake and realized I needed to empty my bladder and figured that is why I'd had so much pressure with that contraction.

I went into the bathroom and while I was trying to use it I had another contraction that made me say, "OH DANG! Oh FRIGGIN' DANG!! What the...?!!" The intensity of it took me by surprise and I thought..."Hmmm...I wonder if things are starting." By the time I was done washing my hands I was having another one so I decided maybe I should stay up for a bit and see what was going on.

I started puttering around the house getting things together that hadn't been done yet. Usually by 38 weeks I am ready with all my birth supplies laid out on a clean towel in my room covered by another towel. I usually have my birth tub out and ready, usually have clothes laid out etc. This time I just hadn't gotten around to any of this, so there I was at 39 weeks busting a move to do it.

I wasn't timing but before I knew it I was having very frequent pretty intense contractions. I am not quiet about that. I make gutteral noises and talk back to my contractions a lot...something like, "Freakin' stupid contraction..." "Oh...dadgum...Ow...uggggghhhh..." and my favorite: "What the HELL? Arrggg!" Rob knows when I'm throwing "hell" around I mean business.

He stirred and said, "Hey baby. Is it coming today?" My response wasn't exactly sweet, it was something like..."Yes! But it's going to be later today so just go back to sleep but turn off your alarm...you are NOT going to work today!" In retrospect I realize that I should've known something was different because I NEVER get cranky like that in labor until I hit transition.

Apparently Rob was more conscious of my mood because he didn't go back to sleep. He got up and started getting things ready.

The two of us tried to put the tarp on the bed (which should've been done before then) but every time I would get a good hold on it I'd have another contraction. I was getting frustrated and annoyed and I was losing my focus on my contractions making them much more difficult to deal with. I realized I needed to stop and get a grip.



On the next contraction I dropped onto my hands and knees on the blankets and pillows which were on the floor at the end of the bed. During this contraction I slowed down my breathing and really focused. Once I was thinking about WHAT was hurting I was able to convey to Rob that I needed pressure on my hips. This surprised me a little because that usually comes a the END of my labors but I told him and he jumped right into his position.

After that I concentrated on what I needed to do next as a way to distract myself from the contraction. When it ended I had gathered my thoughts and I finally said, "I need you to call Stephanie (our midwife). I am going to call Shannan (my sister) and then I want you to call my dad and have him come help give me a blessing. Have him bring Vicki (my other sister) so she can help you tarp the bed. I need her to bring the empty SD card from the computer so that we can get pictures."

Rob jumped into action trying to call Stephanie. This was when we realized that I'd left my phone in Jenny's car and that we didn't have Stephanie's phone numbers. Rob hopped on the internet and started looking them up. Bless his heart everytime he'd almost have the number I'd yell... "Rooooooooobbbb...I NEED YOU!" He'd run back in and press on my hips.

Finally the calls were made. Rob talked to Stephanie around 3:20am and at that point I told him to tell her not to come yet (I hate being a watched pot in labor) because I still thought it would be later in the day before the baby would arrive. I told Shannan the same thing. "I'll call you when things change...don't go crazy trying to race over here...you know how long it could be."

About this time; all the hustle and bustle had woken Caleb and he came in and smirked said, "Hey, were you going to tell me that Piper was on the way?" That made me smile. I told him to get the other kids up so he did. They were all bright eyed and excited.

Meanwhile my dad and Vicki showed up and I met them in the front room I was having a contraction and I remember saying as it disipated, "Okay...you guys have like 1.5 min. to do this. GO!" They gave me a blessing and most of it is a blur to me except I remember the words, "...that you will have clarity and that you will know what to do when the time comes..." I started having another contraction before they were even finished. I leaned over the arm of the couch and finished it thinking..."I HAVE to get onto my bed."


By then Rob and Vicki had already jumped into tarping it and putting the birth sheets over the tarping. I got to my room and said, "Rob! You need to call Stephanie and tell her it's happening REALLY fast! She needs to come now!" He called her and it was now around 4:20. They were finishing up the bed when I had a doozy hit me that about buckled my knees. The pressure in my pelvis and hips was so intense I knew I couldn't stand up and by now my little blanket nest on the floor was gone so I leaned over the birth ball to stabilize myself.

On that contraction I had the following conversation with myself, "I feel like pushing! I am NOT supposed to feel like pushing. I couldn't possibly be more than 5 or 6 cm. at this point and if I push against an incomplete cervix it's going to cause swelling and impede my labor! Tracie! You HAVE to hold it together...you are losing it. Losing it? Of COURSE I'm losing it! There's NO WAY I can do this much pain and intensity for hours and hours more! What if I feel like pushing for hours? Can I DO that? What are my options really? I HAVE to do it at this point. There's no turning back! HOLY CRAP! HERE COMES ANOTHER FREAKING CONTRACTION!! OKAY...blow it away Tracie! Pant! Don't push!"

So the next contraction I leaned over the end of the bed and puffed and didn't push. As much as I wanted to push I puffed instead! And then I made my one big groan for this labor---which to me sounded like a lion's roar! I remember thinking "Awww crap! I probably just woke the neighbors!" and then thought, "Who friggin' cares?" With THAT attitude I realized I was definitely in transition.

The bed was finally ready so I grabbed a chux pad (plastic backed hospital pad) and climbed up on it. I was kneeling on the bed and I thought..."I don't know if I can blow away another urge to push like that! I HAVE GOT to know what is going on with this cervix!" So I reached up to check. I was astonished when I couldn't find my cervix at all. I realized that it was because it was completely dilated and I could feel nothing but Piper's head.


The next thought I had was, "Her head has too much give...it's squishy." Then I realized it was my water bag in front of Piper's head. Then the next contraction hit and I thought, "You are complete!! What are you waiting for woman?!!" I started pushing and my water broke immediately and I could feel her head move through the pelvic bones.

As I was pushing I was still kneeling and my hair was hanging in my face so I realized that no one else realized that she was coming right then so I said, "She's coming RIGHT NOW!", and then took another breath and started pushing again. Rob offered a sweet quiet affirmation, "You are doing awesome babe. We are almost there." I could tell by his reaction that he wasn't understanding what I was saying.

I suddenly felt a burning sensation (what is commonly referred to as "the ring of fire") and felt her head press against my hand and knew she was crowning. With the burning sensation I had a moment of panic about tearing so I stopped pushing and huffed a few times giving myself time to make room. Still aware that no one was understanding that now she was part way out I repeated softly but emphatically, "She is coming RIGHT NOW." Again Rob said, "Hang in there babe...you are doing great."

I remember thinking, "Are the words coming out of my mouth?" I looked at Rob's face and Vicki's face and saw that they STILL weren't getting it. I was very involved in pushing at this point and couldn't convey what I'd been trying to say so I lifted up my night gown and they all saw Piper's head. Everyone in the room's eyes got huge and there was a bit more commotion...Vicki said, "OH! SHE'S COMING RIGHT NOW." I thought to myself, "That's what I've been trying to tell you!" Rob said, "Okay!! What do you want me to do babe?!" I didn't really need anyone to do anything I just felt like they should know what was up.

At this point my body was telling me that I wasn't getting the power behind the pushing that I was going to need to get her out so I rolled back onto my behind and gave it my all. Her head came immediately. Then came the moment of clarity that was promised to me in my blessing. The thought came to me, "Check for a cord." I reached up and ran my fingers around her neck and sure enough there was a cord. I slipped it up and over her face but could only get it to her forehead. I said to Rob, "You are going to need to lift that cord off. I can't reach it." He slid it over her head.












This photo has been edited but her head is out here and I am pushing her shoulder's out.


I pushed again and didn't feel like her shoulders were coming. Again I reached in and I could hook a finger into her arm pit but couldn't get a grip. The next few seconds felt like minutes and I should've realized she'd come on her own but thinking it had been longer than it had been I said, "Rob I think you might need to help her out." Then just as he reached down to help I got another urge to push and her shoulders came through. Rob and I both put our hands around her chest and pulled her out. Rob let go and then I lifted her up and over.



She was here! She arrived at 4:58a.m. In that instant the entire world stopped and I was looking at my baby girl I've been dreaming of and praying for for years. It must have only been seconds that I was looking at her before I pulled her up to my chest and held her close but it felt like an eternity as time stood still.

You know the expression, "My life passed before my eyes?" I swear her future passed before mine and I loved her instantly. We all did!!



I turned to the kids and asked them if they could see her well and they all came over and piled onto the bed. Everyone approved of her. We decided she was a keeper for sure.






































After a few minutes I suddenly remembered Stephanie and I said, "Oh! You should probably call her and tell her that she is here." Rob called and said, "The baby is already out." Stephanie said, "I'm at the front door." Rob ran in and let her in. She came into the room 4 minutes after Piper did!

She was so great. She just came in and said, "Congratulations!" Then she just let us be. I love that she just checked her out from the sidelines without interfering. She could see that she was healthy and strong and she just let us be a family for a bit.

















We usually wait to cut the cord until the placenta is delivered so we waited patiently for that and pretty soon I felt uncomfortable again so I knew it was time.
















Stephanie helped me get situated into a better position for the placenta and we finished up that business as quickly as possible---but it still wasn't quick enough for me. I swear it was worse than Piper's birth. It was certainly less fun.

When that was done it was Hayden's big moment. She wanted to be the one to cut the cord so she did.

After that was done I just wanted to get cleaned up as quickly as possible so I handed the baby off to Stephanie so that she could do the newborn assessment, weigh and measure her etc. while I took a quick shower. During this time Stephanie and her student Kate also removed the bedding and the tarping so that I had a clean fresh bed to climb into. They also started the laundry and got rid of the garbage from the birth. Piper weighed in at 7 lbs. 7 oz. and was 19.5" long and her assessments were perfect.

After all of that was done I climbed into bed in my clean jammies (in the pictures here it looks like the same one I labored in...it's not) and snuggled up to nurse my sweet angel for the first time.

Everyone got turns holding her and snuggling her and we just spent the rest of the day snuggled up on our babymoon. It was an amazing day!

In Memory of Harry Stewart Randall

Vicki and I made this little movie of Harry's life as a memory for Monti and Shannan



One Year ago our family was blessed with the privilege of having my sister Shannan's baby boy Harry born into our family. He only stayed with us for 6 days.

In honor of Harry's birthday I am reposting his story and a few thoughts that I have about him:

During the early morning hours of April 19th, 2009 Harry was born by emergency cesarean section at Mountain Vista Medical Center. Due to complications surrounding his birth he was born oxygen deprived and he was flown by air evac to Phoenix Children’s Hospital.

Harry spent the next 5 days struggling for life. After numerous tests which finally indicated that Harry would not be staying with us for long, the doctors made the decision that it would be best to turn down the ventilator and see how Harry reacted. There was really no reaction. It was evident that his little body was just not going to be big enough to hold his amazing and brilliant spirit.

The morning of April 24th the plan was to remove the breathing tube and to let Harry rest from this work he’d been doing. The tube was removed at 1:45 p.m. Shannan and Monti were able to hold him without all of the apparatus and to sit as a family and just love and comfort each other. Some of us were privileged to be in that room as the veil was parted and Harry seemed to linger somewhere between here and eternity for about five hours. Those hours felt like minutes to us they passed so quickly. In short time Harry’s struggling breaths slowed and his body seemed to be even more cuddled into his mother as he truly began to leave it behind. He returned to Heavenly Father at about 5:30 p.m. on April 24th.

Harry is an extraordinary spirit who was born to extraordinary people. I believe he was so good and so valiant that he did not need to be tested in this life. He needed a body and because of the extraordinary efforts that his mommy and daddy made to provide one he was able to obtain one and to fulfill his brief mission here.

It has been hard this last year as we have missed having Harry here with us but I have taken comfort in knowing that thanks to the atonement of Jesus Christ we will be with Harry again someday. This is not wishful thinking on my part or just words that we say to comfort each other.

I know it.

I know it with absolute certainty.

I have a testimony that Jesus Christ lived and that He died for us and that He was resurrected.

I know that He lives.

I know that because of his sacrifice we can be resurrected as well and that through His Gospel we can live with our families again someday...that this life is only a probation and that Eternal Life is possible in and through the atonement of the Savior. I am so grateful for a Father in Heaven who provided us with a way to return to Him and for a loving Brother Jesus Christ who chose to be the Way.

Harry's brief probation here gave us a gift. He reminded us of what is essential. He reminded us what is most precious to us above anything else. We were so blessed to have him with us for 6 days and we love him and will miss him.

Disneyland

The past couple of years we have not taken our annual Disneyland vacation but at tax time this year we decided to get our priorities straight and visit the Happiest Place on Earth. :)

All kidding aside, we did actually decide that building some memories with our kids IS in fact a priority...not that you have to go to Disneyland to do that but it is a big help.

We happen to be what I refer to as "avid Disneyers"...we love everything about Disneyland. Perhaps it is just nostalgia on mine and Rob's part since we both have some really great memories of Disneyland but whatever it is; apparently we have imparted it to our kids because they saved every penny they got this year to go and came up with about $400 on their own to contribute! What troopers!

This year we were lucky enough to have our Auntie Beth (my best friend from childhood) and her sister Hannah along. Hannah is a lovely 13 year old girl so it was just AWEFUL for our boys to have to decide who HAD to ride with her on some of the rides. ;) (There may or may not have been a little romantic sibling rivalry on their parts...I'm just sayin'.)

We were also fortunate to have planned our vacation at the same time as our good friends Pat and Kristine John and their awesome clan of kiddos so we were able to hang out with them at the Magic Kingdom as well. So fun!!

This slideshow is a small representation of the fun we had there this year and the memories that we will always cherish...it was a blast!

20 weeks

We are going into our 20th week. Our baby girl is about the length of a banana and is curled up like that most of the time. She weighs about 1/2 a pound now. Yay baby! Her head is now finally a little more proportional to her body and she looks more like a baby than a little alien from now on.

As for me, I have reached the point that the "bump" can't really be hidden anymore and I am feeling the effects of that in my low back by late evening. I am typically a back sleeper but I have had to start side sleeping since that low back pain is waking me at night. That and my persistently full bladder are the first real pregnancy signs that I have felt and as annoying as they should be I actually find them novel and reassuring.

Found out today that anemia is still a bit of an issue for me. I guess I am not that surprised since I am still cold all the time except for my belly which is apparently getting all the blood flow because it is always warm. A more sentimental explanation is that my little princess is just radiating warmth from the inside out. :) You are welcome to think that is cheezy...I just think she is sweet and all I know is that I do feel warm carrying her inside of me.

A day in the life...

We had our 20 week prenatal appointment today. I actually thought this might be a good opportunity to show what a typical Midwifery appointment is like. This is something that I get a lot of questions about. I used to think it was an odd question but I guess I have come to realize that the whole concept of homebirth is so foreign to most people that it naturally elicits a certain curiosity.

I have become aware in conversations that there are many people who imagine that Midwifery care means that I meet with a Wiccan who is dressed in a broomstick skirt and Birkenstocks so that she can burn sage around me and rub herbs on my belly to bless my baby. This kind of notion always just makes me laugh but in an effort to dispel this and other crazy ideas about prenatal care from a Midwife I am posting these pictures and a real description of a typical appointment.

For those who find this odd...keep in mind that I have a lot of clients and friends whose curiosity about---all things birth related---is borderline obsessive. We call ourselves 'birth junkies' and this kind of thing fascinates us so if you aren't a birth junkie feel free to pass on this post. :)


This is a shot of the exterior of Nurturing Hearts Birth Services or NHBS. In my previous pregnancies I was fortunate to have the luxury of 'home visits' wherein my Midwife came to my home for prenatals. The home visit is becoming increasingly less common as the "valley" has spread making the travel time for Midwives ridiculous. It does make sense for us to come to them whenever possible and if I have to have an appointment that isn't in my home then at least it gets to be in the lovely home-like atmosphere of Nurturing Hearts.


This is the waiting room outside the offices of NHBS. My kids love it here and they are always welcomed graciously by Stephanie and Kate since the Midwifery Model of care sees pregnancy and birth as a family affair.

When Stephanie steps out to get us from the waiting room we move into her office where there is a little couch for me and a toy area for the kids. The beginning of the appointment starts with a casual chat on the couch about how I have been feeling in the last few weeks; do I have any concerns or ailments bothering me; questions I might have for my Midwives or questions they have for me about my nutrition and general health.

Today we went over my ultrasound results which was nice because I found out from Kate that the report showed that my placenta is anterior (this means at the front of my uterus) which likely explains why I have yet to feel the baby's movement. It puts a little 'pillow' between me and the moving baby so it finally makes a little sense and puts me at ease about the fact that this is the longest I have ever gone before feeling the baby move.


After we chat for a bit I move over to this little cot where Kate checks my blood pressure (as seen here---Notice Hayden's fascination with the process) and measures my fundal height (how far up the uterus has grown in the last month) and in this particular appointment also drew some more blood for another panel to check out my anemia---which; unfortunately; I am still battling.

Notice anything missing from this "exam table"? That's right...stirrups. That's because V.E.s are rarely performed prenatally by midwives. There is really no medical benefit to V. examinations at this point and most pregnant women find them---and the narrow, cold exam tables to which they are attached---very uncomfortable. Even when/if a V.E. is necessary such as when a GBS (Group B Strep) culture is performed there is really no benefit to the use of stirrups---that archaic contraption (torture device?) which was invented by a man and does not account for the comfort of a pregnant woman in any way shape or form.


After all that "boring" clinical stuff we get to listen to the baby's heartbeat with the doppler. (This actually has clinical benefits too but the kids and I just like to hear her heartbeat! This is Nate's favorite part of the appointment---he is on the left in this picture.)



Finally we wrap up the appointment with more questions and conversation. I never feel rushed and always enjoy our chats since I feel like all of my concerns are addressed and we are also building a great rapport which helps a lot when you consider that at the end of this ride I am going to be spending hours with these ladies in my home waiting for the baby to make her appearance. Pictured here are Stephanie Soderblum, my Midwife (in brown) and Kate Cunningham, her student (in green).



All in all the appointment takes about an hour and I can honestly say it is one of the best hours of my month. I look forward to it which is such an enormous juxtaposition to the dread I used to feel when I went for my OB appointments in Caleb's pregnancy. And THAT is a day in the life.

Pinewood Derby

Whew! It's all over. Okay...so it wasn't THAT bad. :) I just wanted to post a couple of pictures of the boys cars and explain them.



Nater wanted to make a wii remote for his "car" and this was the design we came up with. And yes...there is actually a 3-D "B" button on the bottom. Sorry it doesn't show here.



The boys love the Percy Jackson and the Olympians book series in which Percy Jackson finds out that he is a demi-God: Poseidon's child. Out of his love for these books, Caleb chose the trident as the main design for his car. Percy's sword in the book is called Riptide---hence the name on the side of his car.



Caleb placed 3rd overall for the Webelos age group and Nate won 1 of his heats. This last picture is of his car winning. If you look close you will see the nose of the other car on the left of the picture.

Building Stuff With My Boys

Okay so every year when Pinewood Derby rolls around I am filled with dread. Rob isn't really into stuff like cutting out cars on the jigsaw so it kind of falls to me to help the boys with their cars.

The funny thing is, I dread it because it stresses me out that I will mess up the block and have to start over but then we get going with it and it ends up being really fun. I like working with them and we have a lot of fun watching the cars---literally---take shape.

Yesterday we cut out Nater's and sanded it and in the evening the whole family went ot Home Depot to get some paint and another bit for the Dremel so we could work on Caleb's today. Nate got a Home Depot gift card for Christmas that he's been chomping at the bit to spend so he was able to buy his own paint with it there and he even wanted to buy the Dremel bit with his card as well. There is a reason we call him Nate the Tool Man.

Today we cut out Caleb's car and sanded it and we got the base paint on both of theirs. That means tomorrow we will lacquer them and add the wheels on. Geez...did I say it was fun? It may be fun but it is a lot of work. My neck is totally jacked up from bending over the Dremel.

I guess ulitimately it isn't really about building the cars but about building the memories. We have some good ones from this year. Here are a few pictures Vicki took of us.





Hey...check back for pictures of the finished results! The boys had some really cool ideas this year. (If you click on the first picture of Caleb and I to enlarge it and then look really close at his block you will get a sneak peak at his design.)

I shall call her...

The kids have decided that since we are not telling anyone the baby's name and they are tired of rotating other names; the baby needs an official one that we can call her around other people.

They decided on the name Helvetica. Ha ha! They are so funny. Nate came up with it actually but there was a quick vote taken and the 'Ayes' had it.

I said she needs a middle name and ever since watching the movie Mrs. Doubtfire I have always loved the name Euphegenia...Mrs. Doubfire herself...Effie for short. That name cracks me up. I don't know why. I'm weird like that.

So her official moniker until she is born (or until someone accidentally lets the cat out of the bag) is: Helvetica Euphegenia Halliday. I love it.

It's a...

Drum roll please.........It's a girl!! So I am a couple of days behind but we had our ultrasound on Monday and they told us it was a girl.

The way it took place was very anticlimactic which kind of stinks but at least we know. The thing is; the tech was searching and searching for gender but couldn't find anything. Then she said, "I'm guessing girl because your baby is face down and has been really active so with all of that movement and gravity I am sure I would have seen 'something' float into view if it was a boy. So my guess is more about what I DON'T see than about what I see."

Then finally she says, "Yeah. I'm going to go with girl because I finally see something that looks like a girl." I saw what she was seeing as well but she was so casual about her pronouncement I thought, "So is that official or...???" Rob asked that exact thing and she nodded emphatically and said, "Oh yes. For sure...I'm calling it a girl."

So it wasn't an "A HA!!" moment but we finally got what we wanted. The kids were thrilled. Especially Hayden.

On a separate note...our concern about the occasional bleeding I have had seems to be unfounded. Placenta looks great. Cervix is closed. There is no evidence of any bleeding IN the uterus. (There is usually a dark spot on the endometrium---uterine lining---if there has been a bleed.)

Still no real explanation for it but as I tell clients all the time when they have this issue; if you get a random nose bleed you don't assume you have a brain tumor...

Ultimately, the ultrasound showed a very healthy VERY active baby. So active the tech said, "So you haven't felt movement yet? Cuz when you do, this baby will be keeping you up nights. I think it is the most active fetus I have ever seen in an ultrasound!"

I concur! I couldn't believe how wiggly she was. Her arms and legs were literally pumping...it looked like she was jogging in place. Maybe that is why I haven't felt her yet---her movements are mostly in her arms and legs and those small movements are not as easy to feel as flips and somersaults.

Guess we are getting a busy little bee. I don't mind that at all. I am just so happy to see her very healthy.

For those who follow stats: She measured 18w. 4d. and FHT was 154 bpm. The tech put my EDD as 8/1 as opposed to 7/28 but most of you know how little stock I put in EDDs so go figure.

Roll with it...

In the light of day things don't seem so grim. As he was leaving for work this morning Rob leaned down and kissed me on the forehead and said, "You know; I don't want this to come across wrong but I am not the least bit worried about this thing...You know what I mean?"

I do know what he means. I worry enough for the both of us and it totally clouds my judgment on things. I am glad that he has a clearer view. Its a great comfort to me. He's a good man. I am glad he's around. :)

P.S. The ultrasound is scheduled for Monday afternoon.

The good the bad and the ugly...

So, I'm blogging the good and the bad right? I have a lot on my mind tonight as I had a little spotting again tonight. It's frustrating to be experiencing this again at 18 weeks.

I had several episodes of this early on and was worried at the time of each event but each time a follow up ultrasound showed a lovely normal heartbeat. At this point in my pregnancy it's a little unusual to see it again but it does happen so I'm keeping my chin up. (Wish it wasn't late at night because I'd really like to see if my Midwife would like to give a little listen with her doppler if it was day time.)

So...I'm just going to try to take this odd little event in stride (it has ceased now) and see what we find out at the ultrasound next week. I really wish I was past the point where I feel movement. It would bring me a lot of peace to know the baby is squirming around...hmmm...hang in there Trace...(Am I being my own doula here? What's with that?)

18 weeks

The baby is nearly 18 weeks now. We had an ultrasound last Wed. which showed that he/she weighed (as far as they can tell) roughly 7 oz. and is about 7 in. long both of which are right on for last week. We had hoped to find out the baby’s gender but it seems that our little one likes to hide from the transducer apparently not a fan of ultrasound.

The kids were all there in the room and as soon as the image of the baby popped onto the screen there was a universal “Awwww!!!” from all of them since it was a very clear full body profile shot of head, torso, and legs. One of them said, “I see it’s spine…” One said, “There’s it’s skull…” They were all very impressed.

Personally; for me it was kind of surreal. Other than my growing girth I have yet to feel pregnant in any way. I haven’t felt the baby move yet and there is sort of an odd denial about the whole thing as if it just isn’t real yet. So when she put the wand on my belly and suddenly there was a baby on the screen I actually let out an involuntary gasp---like I was surprised there was actually a baby in there! I think the fact that it took so long to get pregnant this time makes it feel fleeting somehow. I can’t wait to actually start to feel movement. I think that will concrete things a bit emotionally. Besides; there is NOTHING in the world like the feeling of life moving inside of you. It is absolutely amazing.

In my previous pregnancies I have always felt movement for the first time during my 18th week and we will be having our diagnostic ultrasound around 19 weeks so I guess we’ll have another chance at finding out the gender then so we have a couple of fun milestones coming up really soon. I’m trying to be patient but I confess I am very eager for both. I will keep you posted when they are fulfilled.

Midwifery appointment update

Yesterday we had an appt. with our Midwifery team Stephanie Soderblom and Kate Cunningham. We actually were not supposed to see them again until Mar. 8 which would be closer to my 20 week mark but last time I was in I had my OB blood panel drawn and we found out that I was pretty severely anemic. My hemoglobin was at 8.0 which is very low. It should be around 12. Many women become anemic in pregnancy around 26-28 weeks because their blood volume increases so vastly that the hemoglobin becomes diluted. I was barely at 15 weeks and already well below the norm.

Because of this Stephanie suggested a particular iron supplement called Floradix which has been shown to improve iron deficiency anemia. She also asked me to add in (vitamin C. which helps iron absorption) and a sublingual b vitamin and asked me to come back after a few weeks of use to see if there is a change.

Well if you know me well then you know that the minute I got home from my appt. I pulled out all of my nutrition books and midwifery texts and started pouring over information about anemia and b vitamin deficiency. I made myself a list of things to avoid (phosphates for one---a preservative found in lunch meats and hotdogs which is notorious for blocking iron absorption) and things to add in such as high protein foods, green leafy vegetables and citrus and committed myself to improved nutrition. I confess up until then; despite the fact that I know better; (Note to clients: Do as I say not as I do!) I’d been slacking A LOT in the nutrition department.

Jump ahead to yesterday: Kate drew my blood again and this time everything came back in normal ranges. Whew! I am really glad to know that the nutritional changes and supplementation has been paying off and once again this was a testament to me about the importance of excellent nutrition in pregnancy.

I always say that everything that goes into your mouth in pregnancy should be of benefit to your body and your baby. Of course that is easier said than done when there are Ghirardelli chocolates left over from Valentines day on your nightstand. But truth be known I have found a balance there too. I think it’s important that those kind of indulgences just NEVER replace the things your body needs. In other words a Snickers bar does NOT count as lunch just because it has peanuts in it.

We will be watching this anemia thing closely and stay on top of the supplements that seem to be improving it...now if I could just stay hydrated...

Somewhere UNDER the pedestal...

This is my blog. Some blogs are a political forum. Some blogs are religious standards. Some blogs are just for fun. I keep a blog so that I can write about the current events of our lives. I am generally a happy and upbeat person so I generally write happy and upbeat posts. A few months ago when things were not great I didn’t write about much because I wanted to keep the blog happy and upbeat but then I just didn’t blog. Today when something happened that is really eating at me I decided: You know what? It’s my dadgum blog and not everything that happens in my life is happy or upbeat so if I want to vent on my blog I’m going to! So now you have been warned so if you don’t like it stop reading now.

So here is what happened: One of my children came in to me today and tell me that the child of one of our friends said to my children that they shouldn’t talk to her or her brothers anymore because it will make their “mommy mad” because---and I quote; “You guys say bad words and do naughty things.”

You know that sinking feeling in your gut…the one that makes your throat close up a little and your eyes to well with tears…the one that makes you think, “Can I rewind the last 10 seconds of my life and have it not happen? Yeah…I had that feeling.

Not sure that there was full understanding on the part of my child and hoping that he had misunderstood, I called Caleb in (being that he is 10 years old and smart and truthful) and asked him---independent of the other child, “What happened this morning? There was a conversation about you guys playing with friends and it went how?” He repeated it verbatim only with a little more hurt and insult in his voice since he is also sensitive and kind and couldn’t quite understand the reason behind the venom with which this particular personal attack came from this other child.

Well I wasn’t sure what to say to him because I’m afraid that I don’t quite get it either. I can only say that not all naughty talk is potty talk. Some naughty talk is gossip and malice toward others. Some naughty talk is putting other people down to make yourself (or your children) seem taller. Some naughty behavior is about judging others and treating them like they are beneath you in some way.

Incidentally; it should be noted; in case you are unfamiliar with my children and their widely known reputation for being good kids---they are in fact---good kids. The only kind of “bad words” that I know for a fact have been said in front of these friends are; GASP!~ “stupid”, “dummy”, perhaps “idiot”…not F-Bombs, not profanity, not even potty words per se.

The words which have been said on occasion are typical “kid” words which we actually do not permit in our house but which now and then slip into bickering and kid behavior. I do not approve of them yet neither do I think that my children are on a highway to Hell because of the occasional use of them. (P.S. It’s okay that I said “Hell” there because it is a reference to a place in this scenario but if you feel more comfortable about it just try to pretend that the Ls in that word are hockey sticks.)

So my children are not perfect. They are kids. They are not finished being molded or raised and we certainly have a long road ahead of us. But they are GOOD kids and I am happy to say that they are neither arrogant nor self righteous. They pretty much look on everyone as equals. They are about as non-judgmental as kids come. We have worked hard to teach them that every person deserves love, respect and the “benefit of the doubt” regardless of their looks, their background, their religious beliefs…the list goes on.

Just because someone is different than you doesn’t make them less than you.

The top of a pedestal can be a very lonely place.

I think I’ll hang out with the other sinners beneath it. Christ did. He mingled with sinners and lived among them and yet in His perfection He did not shun those who were not perfect, he embraced them.

Rob and I are comfortable with the notion that if; after we raise our children; they manage to grow into kind, loving, compassionate, charitable, Christ-like adults who occasionally say “darn” or “heck” we will still consider it a job done well. If on the other hand, they never say a single bad word but they are holier than thou and hypocritical then I think that would be the biggest heart break of all.

The good news is that I think we might be headed in the right direction. While I sat shaking my head about this situation and now blogging about it (clearly I am not totally over it); my children came to a wiser and more charitable consensus on how to handle the situation. They talked it over and what they said to me is this:

“It doesn’t matter what they think because it’s not true. Besides even if it was true, Heavenly Father loves us all no matter what." Then they told me that they will still love these friends even though they had said naughty things to them because: "...that is what Heavenly Father would want us to do."

Maybe it is me who will learn from them.

Alien child?

My mom went in to her closet to get a pair of shoes this morning and when she reached for them they didn't budge. She grabbed them again and pulled harder...and there they sat---unmoved---seemingly attached to the shelf they were sitting on.

That is because they were; in fact; attached to the shelf they were sitting on. That is because they had been glued there by someone. So, who is the first person that she calls? Me. And why did she call me? Because I am the mother of HIM. To which HIM do you think I am referring? Take a shot in the dark.

My response: Give us about 5 minutes and we'll be right over so you can talk to him. She says, "I'm not mad you know...we've all been cracking up about it over here." I said, "I know. And I am not going to say a word to him about it because I want to be standing there watching when you ambush him." Incidentally; neither one of us have mentioned anyone's name in this whole conversation...it's just a given.

So I make an excuse to my kids about how I need to go on the internet and we are going to run to grandma's for a minute. We arrive, walk into her room and she holds up her shoes which have now been pried off of the shelf and have glue and paint residue spots on the heels.

HE just gets a big sheepish grin on his face, shrugs his shoulders and innocently says, "WHAT?"

I don't know what planet this kid came from.

15 weeks

This is what our baby looks like about now. I can't believe how quickly the growth has accelerated and how big it is at this point. I don't know WHY I'm surprised because by the looks of the telltale "bump" on the front of me you'd think it was much bigger.

(Although according to my prenatal appointment my uterus is measuring ahead a bit. My midwife asked if we were sure it's one and she is not the first to ask so let me quickly dispel any rumors---according to the four early ultrasounds we have already had it is just one.)

The baby is now just about 4 inches long and approximately 2-2.5 ounces. The baby's hearing is now beginning to develop a bit more acutely so I guess I should think about NOT blaring my music in the car anymore. :) Seriously though I love this stage because I usually start reading books to my babies around 16 weeks and it feels like a special time for the two of us. I don't have anything but analogical evidence to support it but I swear it's the reason that all of my kids are bookworms.

I haven't felt the baby move yet but we have seen it move on an ultrasound and as I mentioned in a previous post it kicked the doppler at our appointment so I am REALLY eager to start to feel movement. It really is just weeks away and I can't help but feel a little giddy remembering that feeling and looking forward to it again soon. I'll keep you posted on that. :)